A Bunch Of Guys On A Boat

[Philip K Dick]

A Bunch Of Guys On A Boat
by Armon Pakdel

Not too long ago, perhaps, four or five, maybe six or seven grobnogs ago there were five boisterous young old men who sailed the seven seas on their boat. But his was no ordinary boat.

The captain of this boat was a man named Boxy Dewgong. Boxy was a man, who, like all other men, enjoyed camping and aged wine. He was an old man, and did his duties well. Being the young man that he was, he had a responsibility to fulfill. And that was, commanding the boat. The S.S. Jeff. The S.S. Jeff was home to Boxy and his crew mates.

Boxy's second in command, a "first mate" as some would say... was Godfrey Woppelbelts, a pessimistic young lad whose beard was long as he was tall. Godfrey's favorite hobby was to scowl as he twisted his beard in a knot with the tip of his finger. The S.S. Jeff was his home, as it was to all the crew members.

Godfrey might have been the second in command aboard the S.S. Jeff, but he was certainly not Best Friends Forever with Boxy. No, that right was certified to one man and one man alone. Soupkitchen Napkinbags, a middle-aged young man, and a paraplegic. In addition to being a professional rugby player, he was also a fireman and therefore knew his way around the ocean wide. Godfrey despised him for his flexibility and limberness. But aboard the S.S. Jeff, everyone had to be a team player in order to survive.

Except Ribz McCage, the gimmickiest of the crew members. Ribz was an assassin turned bounty hunter. He was also completely made out of glass. He usually sat alone in his cabin, waiting for instructions from Boxy. If there a job that needed be done, Ribz could handle it.

The last of the crew members was Fanflower Winesoap, who used to be a professional wine taster for the PWTLA. Fanflower had died of old age a couple grobnogs back, and his corpse was kept in a casket out on deck.

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Boxy Dewgong gazed out into the open sea, the tears cascading down his face. He cried for all that he had lost. All the years of suffering. Everything. As the amber tears slid down his rosy cheeks, he uttered a single word.
"Archipelago......."
The emotion running through his veins, he stood on the ledge, gazing at the rushing water below him. He also took out a razor and slit his wrists, sending blood spraying into the ocean wide. He slowly fell back, and began to descend. As he fell, he could only wonder how many grobnogs it would be before it would be over. A moment before he hit the water, the blood shooting out of his wrist like a faucet, a shark splashed out from nowhere and slid its fangs around Boxy's body. The sickening crunch of bone and flesh could be heard for miles. Boxy was dragged down by underwater by the shark.
"He must have sensed the blood......" gurgled Boxy. Those were his last words. Before he could even react, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck Boxy head on. He didn't die, though, he was only just burnt. Still inside the sharks jaws of doom, being dragged underwater, Boxy exploded. The time bomb that had been ticking inside of his body had finally detonated. It had only been a matter of time...........

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"Are you alright?" ejaculated Soupkitchen Napkinbags, who was standing over the soaking wet Boxy.
"Yeah... sorry about that..." ejaculated Boxy. He wiped himself off, and got up off the deck. He was a changed man now. A true virtuoso.
"We had to pull you out of the water. You fell overboard."
"Yeah. Its just a scratch." ejaculated Boxy. He appeared to be completely unharmed.
"Actually, you're not even injured. I wouldn't even call it a scratch. I'd call it a miracle." ejaculated Soupkitchen.
"I'd call your FACE a miracle!" ejaculated Boxy, getting up real close to Soupkitchen's face. Soupkitchen didn't change his expression, or flinch, or buy a pog collection on eBay from a seller who had a 98.7 feedback rate.
"Thanks." ejaculated Soupkitchen.
"You're welcome." ejaculated Boxy.
"Say, why don't we go put some shrimp on the barby?"
"Shrimp on the barby?"
"Shrimp on the barby."
"Shrimp on the barby!"
"Shrimp on the barby!"
The two then simultaneously burst out into song.

Shrimp on the barby is good for you
That much I know is true
Shrimp on the barby makes you cool
If you don't eat it then you're a fool
Shrimp on the barby is what is good
You know you could and you know you should
Shrimp on the barby is really neat
.......................................Yeah!


...A few grobnogs later...


"Man, that shrimp on the barby was delicious!" ejaculated Soupkitchen, patting his stomach.
"Not as good as my wife's casserole!" ejaculaughed Boxy.
Soupkitchen's eyes glinted red. He glared at Boxy.
"What did you say?"
"I said, my wife's casserole beats the pogs out of your shrimp, catch my drift?"
"Just because I'm a paraplegic doesn't mean I can't see past the hidden messages in your words."
"What do you mean, Jacob?" ejaculated Boxy.
Soupkitchen sighed. He knew this moment was coming.
"I... don't know quite how to tell you this..." he ejaculated, tossing away the shrimp skewer, "but..."
"But?"
"I simply ADORE neo-classical progressive metal."
"But Soupy! I thought we were... We..."

THE END

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Godfrey Woppelbelts was ejaculating when Boxy walked in the cabin. Godfrey immediately stopped and whipped around.
"I never thought I'd see you again..." grumbled Godfrey.
"It's not a different thing. It's like burnt bacon."
"I wouldn't think its a green tint. More like a barred wire fence."
"Yeah, you wouldn't expect that."
"Anyway, I got a shield."
"Hey, let's take it easy. I didn't think Marls would be keening himself tonight."
Godfrey was stunned. He would never expect Boxy to say something like that. Then, a hideous mermaid walked into the room.
"Caw ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I am the antagonist of this story! Caw ha ha!"
"You are most certainly not a mermaid. You have two legs, just like me and Godfrey Woppelbelts!" ejaculated Boxy with vigor.
And with that the mermaid vanished.
"What was that mermaid doing just now?" exclaimed Godfrey, rubbing his long beard.
"She wasn't a mermaid. She must have been a narf!"
"What is a narf?" ejaculated Godfrey
"A narf is a fairy."
They walked away, the narf still on their minds, the grizzly murder still hot on their trails. What.

THE END

to be continued

[texas]

lmfao this is better than singboy gets laid

[trent bortknob]

lmfao at the end

what\\\'s a narf?

a narf is a fairy.

What.

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[Philip K Dick]

rtil can you please delete sinister, wps, cooldrmoney, and zekey's posts?

[trent bortknob]

^yeh seriously i dont know why they have to ruin every good topic

[psi43]

rtil can you please delete sinister, wps, cooldrmoney, and zekey's posts?

I'm not rtil but done!

[trent bortknob]

BUMP

you guys are always like "TAYLOR WHY DO YOU THINK ARMON IS FUNNY YOU FAGGOT FUCK YOU"

and then when he posts something funny you\\\'re like "UM IM NOT GOING TO READ IT LOL!"

[bcube]

favorite parts:
Except Ribz McCage, the gimmickiest of the crew members. Ribz was an assassin turned bounty hunter. He was also completely made out of glass.

and all the paragraph where boxy jumps off into the ocean.

[wps]

BUMP

you guys are always like "TAYLOR WHY DO YOU THINK ARMON IS FUNNY YOU FAGGOT FUCK YOU"

and then when he posts something funny you're like "UM IM NOT GOING TO READ IT LOL!"

im not gonna read a whole bunch of stuff by someone who isn't funny!!!!!!!


also I miss that Dexter picture
it was
great

[f0d]

i didnt find it all that funny except for the "ejaculaughed" part

[CoolDrMoney]

^yeh seriously i dont know why they have to ruin every good topic

That is a pretty mean thing to say about me!

[wps]

taylor, that was so not cool
you don't diss good people like cooldrmoney like that
you better apologize to the good man

[Sinitron]

and then when he posts something funny you're like "UM IM NOT GOING TO READ IT LOL!"

...But this isn't funny!!

[wps]

ooouuuccchhhh

[trent bortknob]

oh sorry you guys didnt find it funny ill let him know so that next time he writes a story he can put "FUCK YOU NIGGA" in every sentence

[supernaruto102]

oh sorry you guys didnt find it funny ill let him know so that next time he writes a story he can put "FUCK YOU NIGGA" in every sentence

i agree with him

[wps]

that would improve it but that would still be unfunny

[trent bortknob]

check out these improvements!


A Bunch Of Guys On A Bitcxh boiii~~~~!!!,,,,,,,;;; fcK U
by Armon Pakdel

Not too long ago, perhaps, four or five, maybe six or seven FUCJ Y;OU ago there were five boisterous young old men who sailed the seven seas on their FAGGOT xD xD. But his was no ordinary STFU!!!!!!
btw i love chromw~~~!!!! now check out this hgilarious screenshot from a gay ass anime

[supernaruto102]

check out these improvements!


A Bunch Of Guys On A Bitcxh boiii~~~~!!!,,,,,,,;;; fcK U
by Armon Pakdel

Not too long ago, perhaps, four or five, maybe six or seven FUCJ Y;OU ago there were five boisterous young old men who sailed the seven seas on their FAGGOT xD xD. But his was no ordinary STFU!!!!!!
btw i love chromw~~~!!!! now check out this hgilarious screenshot from a gay ass anime

very good

[wps]

still not funny!!


also taylor
why the fuck do you care about us disliking this story?
why the fuck do we have to find it funny?
it
just
isn't!