funny emails

[sev]

this showed up in my junk email. i'm sure this kind of shit is more common than i realize, but i thought it was funny enough to share. is this actually a thing that men fall for? did one of these cam strippers actually write this, or is this the work of some businessman? so many questions, so much text

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then
I think u deleted me haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to
tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up
about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR
U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3
cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..


I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally
can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still
the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even
help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was
soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and
take me out so u better be around bebe...


we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u
better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt
tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im
23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get
there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent
married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar
or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun
and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right ? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help
once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST
U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out
for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana

[cipher]

I've actually got that exact same message before. This is either a spam bot or the most desperate person ever


[spoiler]I'd say the former[/spoiler]

[rtil]

mostly just japanese crap i cant read and 419 scams. sometimes stuff like this

Hi
I believe in my luck and I am never tired to explore the world and to look for happy moments. But I dream of someone to share my luck with!
I love life in its bright colours.
I am an extremely active person who leads a healthy way of life. My hobby is drawing and sport(running).
I am seeking a caring, understanding and honest man. And that is why I have just one question, maybe it's you ?
Write to me pdaxte@yandex.ru if you want to continue exploring with me!

[Sinitron]

i have 800+ unread mails on my other account that i sign up for dumb shit and it's all like MEET N FUCK 2NITE and SOMEONE WANTS 2 C UR DICK PLZ PAY 20 DOLAER 2 OPEN THEIR MESIGE etc etc etc

always hoping some of it will be funny but it never is

[redmongoose]

Johnny Bravo Episode 4 - Date with an Antelope

[Greenkitten]

The worst was when Chris Beer spammed my email on 4chan and I got hundred of idiots emailing me "Does this really work!?"


I miss all these African ones though, with their random capitalisations and poor attempts to sound educated and convincing.

CAN I TRUST YOU?

Dear Friend,
I am MR.FEDEX SOUNOUVOU the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department in the AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK (ADB). In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$19.3m dollars in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS KIM from Munich, Germany) who died along with his entire family on (Monday 31st July 2000) in a plane crash.

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because this bank cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking gildings and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

I agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foreign account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 50% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application .I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch-free and you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

I believe the most important thing in this transaction is faithfulness and confidentiality.Surely this transaction is legitimate,there is no risk involved,it is 100% risk free business.Also important is for you to be honest enough and not betray me eventually this fund gets into your account.

Regards to this transaction, I have worked hard for two years now trying to gather all the required information about this deceased customer after I found out that all his supposed next of kin are all dead leaving nobody behind to put claim over his left balance with this bank.

I also got into his security file jacket in this bank and got all the needed information about his account and all information his next of kin should know.Because he was a foreigner, A munich German nationality, then I started looking for a foreign partner who will help me put claim over this fund. I will forward to you all the needed information and will guide you adequately in this transaction.Good underground work has been done within the bank, I have been working hard towards the success of this transaction. Everything has been put and the transaction is 100% risk free and will be finished in less than 7 bank working days after the application is tendered to the bank as next of kin to the deceased putting claim over his 19.3m balance with the bank.

You have to also re-assure me that my own share of the funds will be safe in your hands after the succesful inheritance and transfer of this fund into your account.

If the above detailed explanation is acceptable to you i want you to inform me so that we can proceed,
If you are interested, please forward me the bellow information's;
Your name: ............................
Sex..................
Your country: .........................
Your phone Number: ......................
Your Tel/fax: ...........................
Your age: ...............................
Your occupation: .......................

Thank for your anticipated co-operation
await for your urgent reply.
More blessing to you and your family.
Best regard.
Mr.Fedex Sounouvou

[dilly]

Hi there, my name is Ashley and I'm a 27 year old married woman. My friends wanted me to send you a private message and invite you to join our Married but Lonely community .

I hope that this is the right time and also that I am not bothering you in any way; I am certain you are going to smile at what I have to say!!!

Before I start, I want to tell you that married women, including myself, aren't easy women. We love our husbands, but being neglected isn't fun sometimes.

Okay; I don't do this a lot but here we go ...



I have been a member of this Married but Lonely Club for about a year now; I must admit that I am addicted to this site.

I love my husband, but he travels A LOT for work; I have needs that I just can't control. I am NOT looking for love, just for discreet affairs with men that I will only see once or twice.

My husband is also very conservative when it comes to making love a.k.a does not want to try anything new. Yes, I am naughty !


Here's how I see this: I want to invite you to check out this very private club....please check it out, you will see very beautiful married women that are lonely;

You can be the one to make them feel so much better...and the action you will get may very well be the BEST of your entire life!

Come on...you know you're a little curious right?

Press here if you're interested in meeting and dating married women like me!




Have fun no matter what you do in life! Just don't let the days past you by without enjoying them to the fullest!

Love,

Ashley

I really don't think I can help her out guys

[Sinitron]

deviantart antics; offending comment was deleted, as was the picture it was posted on, but it essentially boiled down to me calling her out on recoloring shit

so i got this angry reply

----

You really need to find a hobby other than putting people down. You frankly sound disturbed and clealry a bitch. I was just learning how to color and you my friend are a fucking ass hole. What if I really tried? You have no right to comment on people's things like a bitch out of no where? What if I was a kid? And I looked at your art gallery and your shit isn't anything to brag about. You are probablly some basement dweller who has no friend's no life and never has had a fuck. Back off my shit and stop being a troll on peoples things get a god damn life and grow some manner's before you piss off the wrong person.
Love Stephanie

----

checking out her profile, i find out she's some 22-year old broad with a kid who will probably never know his daddy, and respond in turn

----

I wish you had the excuse of being a kid, but unfortunately (for yourself) you do not have the privilege of childhood, nor a creative mind. Also, yes, I DO have the right to comment on your 'things' out of nowhere, as you put them up on an open website for the world to see, and I expressed my concerns as to the validity of your creation. I believe you do have the option to disable commentary if you are unable to handle any sort of negative input on your dodgy craftsmanship, but perhaps you would be better off using a more closed website, like photobucket, or furaffinity - I'm certain they would 'appreciate' your efforts.

Lord knows woman, I hope you never become a parent.

Regards,
Thomas Sawyer

[Sinitron]

deviantart antics part douche

---

You are just a cruel hateful person shitting on people everyday. Probably didn't get enough love as a child. And with your people skills probably will die alone. I don't do this for a living I have a job and work in a comic book store and have a normal life with TWO kids. I'm 22 just got a tablet this week and have no idea how to use it and was just fucking around with adoptables at 7 in the morning. And your asshole self comes along and ruins my day because you have nothing better to do and no outlet for your negative energy and you just shit on my page. Clearly you have issues and are a waste of my time. I'm loved and married with a family and you are probably a punk kid. Or an adult that needs to grow the fuck up. Instead of being a decent human and give me advice or pointers on how to do better you judged it like if I did it for a living and didn't give two shits. And your art looks no fucking to do for being on this web site for 5 years. So leave me the fuck alone stay off my page and give your parents more money for living with them because you must make there life shit that you were even born because they didn't even take enough time to raise you right.

---

jeez all i said was that recolors aren't art

[rtil]

your art looks no fucking to do

[Kött]

tough love

[slack]

BAHAHHAHA

[Greenkitten]

jeez all i said was that recolors aren't art

Popart would like to have a word with you.