The Backalleys Show: Pilot Script

[Philip K Dick]

(Opening credits and intro)

(Fade and zoom into a large mansion)

Scene 1, Act 1:

(All the members of The Backalleys (TBA) are sitting at a long dinner table in the heart of the mansion. At the head of the table is RYAN MILLER, who is wiping his chin. He moves aside his dish of pickled olives and broiled lamb and raised his glass of fine wine)

RTIL: I'd like to propose a toast. To the backalleys-

JSEED, a disgusting unshaven creature who is drunk on wine interrupts RTIL: To the backalleys!

RTIL: Shut the fuck up, JSEED. Jesus, why do you always have to fucking interrupt me. Anyway... I'd like to propose a toast to my beloved backalleys club and its fine members. All of you are so good to me. Without you I don't know where I would be.

(There is an awkward silence)

RTIL: To us!

(Everyone clinks glasses and breaks out in a cheer, except JSEED who has an angry glare in his eyes)

Scene 1, Act 2:

(JSEED is sitting on the opposite end of a luxurious couch from RTIL. In between them are several backalleys members. From left to right it's RTIL, JENNA, MARCK, SPITE, SASHURA, and JSEED. JSEED still looks angry.)

SPITE: Dude, let's like go swimming or something.

JSEED: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

SPITE: Geez dude, it was just a suggestion... dude. (he awkwardly flips his baseball cap to the side)

SASHA: I could go for a swim right now.

JSEED: I don't wanna.

JENNA: You don't have to go, JSEED.

JSEED: Shut up, whore. I didn't ask you.

RTIL: JSEED, is there something we need to be talking about right now?

JSEED: Hmph! No...

RTIL: Are you sure about that you prissy faggot?

JSEED: Whatever.

Act 1 Scene 3:

(It's dark outside, and everyone is in the pool enjoying themselves except JSEED. He is treading water in the shallow end of the pool, looking depressed)

MARCK (in a typical faggy marck voice: This sure is fun! (tags SASHA)

SASHA: MARC-K-O! Lol!

(Everyone laughs)

JSEED: I don't get it.

SPITE: You know dude, like, Marko Polo! Dude!!!!!

JSEED: (laughs sarcastically) Ha, ha. That's some pretty funny stuff. Anti humor is pretty funny.

JENNA: That's not even anti-humor.

JSEED: Shut the fuck up bitch, did I even ask you you dumb cunt?

(RTIL sneaks up behind JSEED and drowns him to death)

Everyone stares at RTIL in horror.

MARCK: You just killed JSEED!

SASHA: I mean, he was really fucking gay, but did you really have to kill him?

JENNA: Where are we gonna hide the body? There's evidence everywhere!

RTIL: Guys! Calm down, don't worry. I have the perfect plan.

(They all ride away on a red balloon while jpop plays in the background)

THE END

[BloodyCheery]

RTIL: Shut the fuck up, JSEED. Jesus, why do you always have to fucking interrupt me.

 

[funzop]

man im not even in this i thought we were pals masn

[Philip K Dick]

sorry i couldnt include everyone i mostly just put people in who i met at cc

[lenko]

(RTIL sneaks up behind JSEED and drowns him to death)

aaaahhaah

[99]

sorry i couldnt include everyone i mostly just put people in who i met at cc

[CVG]

I'm never in these RP's. :L One day! ONE DAY!

[Ashington]

I'm never in these RP's. :L One day! ONE DAY!

Its ok we can sit in the cool corner for cool members who're too cool for things like this.

[CVG]

I'm never in these RP's. :L One day! ONE DAY!

Its ok we can sit in the cool corner for cool members who're too cool for things like this.

[shura]

SASHA: MARC-K-O! Lol!

JSEED: (laughs sarcastically) Ha, ha. That's some pretty funny stuff. Anti humor is pretty funny.

lmfao its sad because this is exactly the kind of gay joke i would make and that would definitely be jseed's exact response

[Philip K Dick]

yep

[Necronomitr0n]

the best

[shura]

gold

[Philip K Dick]

somebody animate this

[jjjjjjjjjj]

why am i so mean to jenna shes a sweetheart

[Philip K Dick]

cause u a dick

[shura]

you should switch jenna's dialogue with mine to make it more realistic

[MarcK]

SASHA: MARC-K-O! Lol!

JSEED: (laughs sarcastically) Ha, ha. That's some pretty funny stuff. Anti humor is pretty funny.

lmfao its sad because this is exactly the kind of gay joke i would make and that would definitely be jseed's exact response

It's especially accurate because I'd do that exact thing to initiate it too if we were just sitting around.

[emanhattan]

somebody animate this

it is tempting

[Shida]

do it, and do it asap