Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[valiums]

  Uh.

  ...

  ..?

  Hello.

[valiums]

ALSO I FORGOT.
I found the back alleys via a link in Metropolis Circuit. I think. I've joined twice, actually, but I forgot my old account, and it was a year or two ago.
I like anime and manga and comics (esp. Planetary) and cartoons and you've probably heard all this crap a hundred times before. I want to animate or draw or whatever, pretty much anything involving the arts (which for me is not 'work'. I absolutely hate work of any kind.)
Lessee...I'm lazy and shy and sarcastic, which is probably the worst combination ever.
And I think this is where I say please don't hurt me.

Unless you really want to.

[Necronomitr0n]

(insert generic greeting here)

[retrosmash]

Because of Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s attitude I usually don't respond to its witticisms, but this time I'll make an exception. Wait! Before you dismiss me as dour, hear me out. You might think this is all pretty funny now, but I doubt I'll hear you laughing if, when you least expect it, Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ is successfully able to preach fear and ignorance. Forgive me for boring you with all the gory details, but Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, its ideas will change instantly like a weathercock. Regardless of whether we consider Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ a lunatic, an evil aggressor, or whatever, when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ is to blame.

Ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being salacious. So, what's my take on Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s heartless proposed social programs? Simply this: It wants to be the one who determines what information we have access to. Yet Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ is also a big proponent of a particularly incoherent form of anti-intellectualism. Do you see something wrong with that picture? What I see is that it likes branding me as mentally deficient, which puts it somewhere between a soporific wisenheimer and a moonstruck soi-disant do-gooder on the alcoholism org chart.

As I remove the veil of ignorance I have lived behind, I find that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ is extremely directionless. In fact, my handy-dandy Directionless-O-Meter confirms that before Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ initiated a radicalism flap to help promote its unforgiving apothegms, people everywhere were expected to knock some sense into it. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that one of Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s dupes keeps throwing "scientific" studies at me, claiming they prove that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s fibs provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. The studies are full of "if"s, "possible"s, "maybe"s, and various exceptions and admissions of their limitations. This leaves the studies inconclusive at best and works of fiction at worst. The only thing these studies can possibly prove is that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ says that it is an institution of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one that often sacrifices its own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter. Yet it also wants to write off whole sections of society. Am I the only one who sees the irony there? I ask because I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke it for trying to muster enough force to prostrate the honor, power, independence, laws, and property of entire countries. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ has repeatedly threatened to advocate selfish asseverations. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because this is not the first time I've wanted to challenge Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s claims of exceptionalism. But it is the first time I realized that it has remarked that its opuscula are all sweetness and light. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand I'll spell it out for you. For starters, we should not concern ourselves with Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s putative virtue or vice. Rather, we should concern ourselves with our own welfare and with the fact that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s statements such as "Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ is a perpetual victim of injustice" indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.

If you looked up "snarky" in the dictionary, you'd probably see Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s logo. As someone who is working hard to urge lawmakers to pass a nonbinding resolution affirming that one of Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™'s innate qualities is to steal anything it can lay its hands upon, I must point out that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ maintains that five-crystal orgone generators can eliminate mind-control energies that are being radiated from secret, underground, government facilities. While that happens to be pure fantasy from the world of make-believe, one important fact to consider is that by allowing it to extirpate the things that I cherish, we are allowing it to play puppet master. Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ cannot be tamed by "tolerance" and "accommodation" but is actually spurred on by such gestures. It sees such gestures as a sign of weakness on our part and is thereby encouraged to continue purging the land of every non-irrational person, gene, idea, and influence. Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ sees us merely as consumers in a market of undifferentiated possibilities, where choice itself becomes the good, novelty usurps beauty, and subjective experience displaces truth. I'm not going to say why; we all know the reason.

Although there's no denying that Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™ faces moral disaster in its neighborhood, political disaster in its country, and an impending world catastrophe with a blank and smiling countenance, it may be somewhat more controversial to allege that it swears that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash. Clearly, it's living in a world of make-believe, with flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little hats. Back in the real world, it must be reemphasized that separatism is a crime, an outrage, and a delusion. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that it thumbs its nose at some of the very things I treasure. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™, Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™-inspired versions of particularism, etc., please tell me so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

[Sapphire]

Hi there!

[lenko]

lazy and sarcastic

you'll fit right in here!!

don't forget to spell things wrong on purpose and put 'XD' everywhere so we know you're being sarcastic

[Wasim]

[valiums]

Welcome to TheBackAlleys ™

[funzop]

lazy and sarcastic

you'll fit right in here!!

don't forget to spell things wrong on purpose and put 'XD' everywhere so we know you're being sarcastic

lenkos training tips

[MarcK]

lazy and sarcastic

you'll fit right in here!!

don't forget to spell things wrong on purpose and put 'XD' everywhere so we know you're being sarcastic

Also be sure to do what lenko's doing here and analyze a general harmless thing people do and describe it to make them look like faggots and to feel superior.

[valiums]

Holy sht lenko posted in a thread about me?! (dies) I came here because of your art as much as rtil's.

I'll stop worshiping people and get back to note-taking now.

[Casey Pixmintro]

go back to self-killing hur durf!!!

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

[Necronomitr0n]

:9

[lenko]

lazy and sarcastic

you'll fit right in here!!

don't forget to spell things wrong on purpose and put 'XD' everywhere so we know you're being sarcastic

Also be sure to do what lenko's doing here and analyze a general harmless thing people do and describe it to make them look like faggots and to feel superior.

ya got me

[Shida]

welcome!

The only tip I have for you is make sure you have a site that has a stock pile of funny pictures for you to post in threads when you can't be bothered typing and you'll fit right in! Oh, and don't put sugar in your tea of course!

[lenko]

Oh, and don't put sugar in your tea of course!

i thought you were cool until now

sugar MAKES the tea

[Shida]

Oh, and don't put sugar in your tea of course!

i thought you were cool until now

sugar MAKES the tea

i thought you were cool until now

sugar RUINS the tea

[MarcK]

Lenko and shida have conquered this thread in the name of the queen.

[valiums]

Lenko and shida have conquered this thread in the name of the queen.

Ah, well, fuck.

Exactly how many funny pictures do I need? And can you explain the ham?