i just saw Dragonball Evolution

rtil · April 11, 2009 05:05 AM

at the theater

(spoilers)

and while the audience was more annoying than the movie, the movie can best be described as half-hearted.

there were some cool ideas, mainly capsule corp and some dbz-looking cities and buildings. but all that and the best parts of the movie were very short lived and would seem to disappear at random. the story was really disjointed and the pacing is too uneven to even call this a finished film.

the best (and most accurate) performances were from bulma and piccolo. unfortunately piccolo doesn't get a lot of screentime and when he finally does during the poorly choreographed final battle he dies in one hit.

they totally left it open up for a sequel. but i think that would be a really bad idea. i think it's inevitable, though, that they will make more live action db films. while i appreciate the attempt to put a new spin on an old story, i think they should try to stick to the original a little more in order for it to be successful. ultimately the film is killed by awkward acting and really shoddy cg. they need to spend their hollywood budget better next time, and a lot of parts need to be re-cast.

also what a horrible weekend to open.. you've got the hannah montana movie and observe and report opening, no one's going to even remember this movie came out in a week. actually that could be a good thing, and fox doesn't seem to care either as they've been trying to purposely shove this one under the rug with one of the crappiest ad campaigns i've ever seen for a film.

which leaves me to the best part of all of this - the best parts of the movie are not in the trailers. unfortunately there aren't very many good parts. there's maybe 2 or 3 sweet spots in this otherwise bland excuse for an adaptation. i think it's what you were all expecting - typical hollywood response to what they think teen audiences are looking for in an action movie. overall a really pathetic attempt at trying to cater to dbz fans. no doubt most of them will be insulted. if you're gonna go see it keep your expectations way low to be even halfway entertained

i give this movie 1.5 foil wrappers out of 5

jjjjjjjjjj · April 11, 2009 06:01 AM

i was going to watch dragonball evolution but then i saw hanna montana movie instead it was great

ZekeySpaceyLizard · April 11, 2009 06:05 AM

it was all on youtube like a month ago
it was a big bucket of sucket

Crabarms · April 11, 2009 10:06 AM

*spoiler*
I dont think it was very wise of them to have Piccolo use
saibamen and having Mai work for Piccolo.

PocketIllust · April 13, 2009 02:12 AM

Quote from: crabarms*spoiler*
I dont think it was very wise of them to have Piccolo use
saibamen and having Mai work for Piccolo.

...what?

Crabarms · April 13, 2009 02:53 AM

HEY IM BUCK AND I THINK ITS COOL TO BUMP OLD THREADS
AND REPLY WITH ...WHAT?

PocketIllust · April 13, 2009 03:03 AM

Quote from: crabarmsHEY IM BUCK AND I THINK ITS COOL TO BUMP OLD THREADS
AND REPLY WITH ...WHAT?

hey this thread isn't that old.

when was it posted? like a day ago?

and

me and cool should never go in the same sentence...

rtil · April 13, 2009 03:05 AM

Quote from: Buck
Quote from: crabarms*spoiler*
I dont think it was very wise of them to have Piccolo use
saibamen and having Mai work for Piccolo.

...what?

piccolo uses his blood to create saibamen on his ship and mai (some minor character in dragonball who had something to do with RR) was like his sidekick or something

mrbigstick · April 14, 2009 02:07 PM

Quote from: rtil
Quote from: Buck
Quote from: crabarms*spoiler*
I dont think it was very wise of them to have Piccolo use
saibamen and having Mai work for Piccolo.

...what?
piccolo uses his blood to create saibamen on his ship and mai (some minor character in dragonball who had something to do with RR) was like his sidekick or something

in the original manga Piccolo had a whole bunch of kids by puking up eggs, they were mostly fucked up looking dinosaurs but the last egg he shot out just before or after death was the piccolo jr that lives on to be the ass-kicking piccolo from dragonball z. i think what the director thought that cloning was more plausible than a relatively easy to do visual effect could be so much better with a multimillion dollar rig just to make it look like james marsters is doing heroin to drive in the fact that he plays the character like someone who was in jail for a really long time.

Gerkinman · April 15, 2009 12:01 AM

I laughed when Goku's hair stuck back up after being slicked back, and i think that was the one moment of the whole film i found entertaining, the rest was just a joke, between the horrible CG, and the fact that Goku's fight with the school bullies was longer had more fighting then his fight with Piccolo and an incredibly annoying Yamcha. I almost walked out... several times.

davidmoore0 · April 19, 2009 03:41 AM

When I went to see it, I had to mentally separate it from Dragon Ball. I just thought of it as a movie where characters had the same names as my favorite manga/anime. It wasn't that bad when I viewed it from that perspective.
When I think of it as Dragon Ball, I get really pissed off.

rtil · April 19, 2009 04:49 AM

actually as a standalone film it's still very shitty

salutations · April 19, 2009 05:09 AM

I would have to say out of the 3 movies i watched last weekend hannah montana was the best

billy · April 19, 2009 06:13 AM

i saw crank 2 and i wish i saw dragonball instead because crank 2 was so shitty ugh i hated it

davidmoore0 · April 19, 2009 01:22 PM

Quote from: rtilactually as a standalone film it's still very shitty

Eh, I like everything though.

ZekeySpaceyLizard · April 19, 2009 01:58 PM

Quote from: davidmoore0
Quote from: rtilactually as a standalone film it's still very shitty
Eh, I like everything though.

but can you see why kids love the power packed taste of cinnamon toast crunch? i think not.

davidmoore0 · April 19, 2009 02:12 PM

Quote from: Zekey
Quote from: davidmoore0
Quote from: rtilactually as a standalone film it's still very shitty
Eh, I like everything though.

but can you see why kids love the power packed taste of cinnamon toast crunch? i think not.

Oh, you're right! Damn. Getting too old.

Greenkitten · April 19, 2009 03:14 PM

I saw it when it came out because i had half a day at school and I think it was a waste of time, I mean you could change all the names and it wouldn't even be related to dragonball

Daveb0t · April 19, 2009 03:29 PM

Quote from: Billyi saw crank 2 and i wish i saw dragonball instead because crank 2 was so shitty ugh i hated it

everything you could possibly want in a bad action movie, condensed into a nice shit cake

billy · April 19, 2009 04:19 PM

Quote from: dvvebbbsiuo
Quote from: Billyi saw crank 2 and i wish i saw dragonball instead because crank 2 was so shitty ugh i hated it
everything you could possibly want in a bad action movie, condensed into a nice shit cake

i loved crank 1 but crank 2 was just awful. it was like they totally mis-interpreted what people (what i) liked about the first one. crank 1 was balls to the walls action the whole time, shot really well with a lot of cool effects, and energy that lasted the whole time. at the end he was so jacked up on drugs that wacky shit was going on

in the 2nd one, stupid shit is happening the whole time and we\\\'re forced to watch disgusting images of violence for unnecessarily long periods of time and i\\\'m just bored out of my fucking mind the whole time

1. stupid gimmick. chev needing adrenaline was a cool premise in the first one because it let him go from one crazy stunt to the next and kept the movie going at a brisk clip. electricity is so fucking stupid, he\\\'s just randomly shocking himself in the movie.

2. dumb gags. there is like a 4 minute fight where the characters are supposed to look like one of the godzilla movies. it\\\'s dumb and way too long. sex scene at the rodeo, its like the one in chinatown except not funny like the one in the first crank. during a shoot out, chev fires a bullet which ricochets on a bunch of metal objects for like a minute; the movie then cuts to a conversation of the hospital worker from the first crank talking to a psychiatrist about how traumatized he is from having a gun pointed at his head. after getting cheered up by the psychiatrist, the bullet hits him in the head. ha fucking ha. the first movie had some really funny gags because they were spread out well enough to not be overdone, and they were all actually funny. (black meat, ding, cunt on forehead, etc) this movie is just full of stupid, unbelievable shit the whole time.

3. disgusting shit. like to watch someone slice their nipple off really slow and graphically for like 3 minutes, and then do the other one for just as long? want to see a stripper get shot through the tits and blood and silicone drip out of them in 4 shots as they deflate, the camera constantly coming back to see this disgusting sight as though its the funniest thing in the world. it\\\'s not funny. you\\\'re an idiot, you\\\'ll love this movie.

4. chev\\\'s girlfriend became a stripper and she looks fucking ugly with a nasty chapped lip and just whore qualities that are disgusting. she was all cute and oblivious in the first one, now she\\\'s just a whore

5. boring. it was 90 minutes but felt like 180. the movie is fucking full of scenes that have no relevance to the plot, all the action scenes are shot too wildly for you to be able to tell what is going on.

6. the stupidest ending imaginable.

7. god you wouldnt even fucking believe me if i told you how fucking stupid the ending is, and if i did tell you, you\\\'d probably think it sounds ok but jesus fine i\\\'ll tell you. first the bad guy from the first crank who falls out of the helicopter is still alive as a head in a tank of water. after a stupid shoot out in which chev electrocutes himself so badly that he is totally engulfed in flames, he looks at the camera and flicks it off before cutting to the credits

8. shitty camera work. the first movie\\\'s camera work was stable enough to make it possible to keep up with the action, but still shaky and visceral. in crank 2 the camera is shaking all over the place and you cant tell what the fuck is going on

huge fucking disappointment. how it managed a 69% on rotten tomatoes is beyond me. a lot of people liked sukiyaki western django and i know that the only reason why they did is because it was made by miike and they were sure they liked it before even watching it.

a lot of people in the theater were laughing at this stupid shit and i know the reason why is because they\\\'re degenerate idiots who caused this movie to turn out the way it did

congrats to them on ruining a franchise