dump

[bd648]

this is adorable rtil

[Stu4U]

holy cow i love this.

had to read through the scenes twice to fully understand this. really good idea, and yea i agree with creamcorn that the abandoned buildings should be portrayed more with a couple more scenes of old empty classrooms with tons of stuff written on the boards, dorms, hallways with scattered papers, etc. to visualize the years wasted in studying and college work. maybe you should do this with some of Taiyou's buildings as well... maybe. idk.

on a different note, i'm guessing the KS one is on standby (but hopefully not scrapped...?). can i make a guess you're about halfway done with that one?

[cipher]

this feels very makoto shinkai-y


[spoiler]aside from the happy ending[/spoiler]

[rtil]

holy cow i love this.

had to read through the scenes twice to fully understand this. really good idea, and yea i agree with creamcorn that the abandoned buildings should be portrayed more with a couple more scenes of old empty classrooms with tons of stuff written on the boards, dorms, hallways with scattered papers, etc. to visualize the years wasted in studying and college work. maybe you should do this with some of Taiyou's buildings as well... maybe. idk.

on a different note, i'm guessing the KS one is on standby (but hopefully not scrapped...?). can i make a guess you're about halfway done with that one?

not even close to halfway done. been way too busy with other things to have much time to work on it unfortunately. thanks for the input

this feels very makoto shinkai-y


[spoiler]aside from the happy ending[/spoiler]

i dunno how to feel about that. 5cm per second kind of pissed me off, it felt very hamfisted. i also felt like i didn't get to know the characters at all so i didn't care about them. but it was very pretty.

i'm still gonna watch garden of words though.

[dilly]

I love this concept. Not only does it show how important memories are between people, but how the history between them never deteriorates and there's always that left off point between those who care for each other.

It would be interesting to incorporate different senses with triggering the memories besides the visual stimulates. I've always found smells and sounds to be more triggering. for example, in the scene where taiyou sees the couple, his reaction to look up at them could be triggered by the couple's bikes' bells, thinking it being a bike bell mari used to use idk just a thought

[rtil]

i would love to add more stuff like that, unfortunately i'm trying not to make it any longer than it is, because of the length constraints.

however, if it comes down to me making this as a personal project, i would definitely expand more on memories.

[cipher]

this feels very makoto shinkai-y

[spoiler]aside from the happy ending[/spoiler]

i dunno how to feel about that. 5cm per second kind of pissed me off, it felt very hamfisted. i also felt like i didn't get to know the characters at all so i didn't care about them. but it was very pretty.

i'm still gonna watch garden of words though.

Yeah I was more referring to the general narrative formula of a young girl and boy who are close in their early years, then get pulled apart, and the rest of the film has some focus of one thinking of the other and slowly forgetting. I've seen most of his works and that's basically what happens in all of them, I'm just there for the pretty art. Moving on, I of course did not mean it in a derogatory way, I think your way of portraying memories is an interesting new take on this "corny" (as you put it) type of story.

[rtil]

yeah that is true . he is highly regarded i just find much of his earlier works , while beautiful backdrops and nice animation (except for the characters), it was always really shallow

[shura]

I left a cursory comment on fb, but here's my full textwall response:

the manifestation of memories as houses is a really interesting concept. i feel like cheesiness/corniness of the dialogue is forgivable because the message and story as a whole are so complex and creative. Still, i wonder why you're knowingly being corny w/ the dialogue, and choosing to just not change it. i feel like it's an easy fix

I'm also wondering why Tayou's memory communicates with Mari through letters, while Mari's memory communicates with Tayou through a control panel. does the behavior of the memories reflect who the people are IRL? it makes tayou seem like a passive/quiet individual, while mari is more bold/aggressive. (which is cool if that's what you're going for). if so, those personality traits should shine through a little more in their IRL selves as well.

How old are the characters in comparison to their memories of them? it seems like their memory selves are pre-teens, while their 'real' selves are adults? 

I feel like the scene of the houses crumbling away could be interpreted in various ways.
When i first saw the boarded-up rooms, i thought they symbolized bad memories or emotional baggage, or maybe repressed/forgotten memories of things from the past. I interpreted the crumbling away of these buildings as a mental release of all these bad memories and bullshit, and brought them back to when they were careless happy children. not sure if that's what you were going for, but that's what i got from it.

I suppose it's up to you what you do with this, in general, this is cute and good luck!

[rtil]

mari's memory can manipulate taiyou with a sophisticated control panel because i thought it would be funny to show that mari has come up with advanced ways to toy with taiyou's head, while taiyou's memory just has to deal with what mari does. basically, taiyou is a little dim-witted and mari is more focused.

the memories don't' get older because that is their last visual memory of eachother. that is why at the end when they see eachother for the first time in years their memories suddenly grow.

[rtil]

i've updated the boards on page 6 and the ending is slightly different. http://imgur.com/a/79snP#0

[rtil]

thanks !

[Stu4U]

any reason to hide the "you're my favorite memory"?

[rtil]

yes of course. i thought it was giving too much away. i like the mystery of not knowing what it says. i'm sure if you had never known what it said to begin with you wouldn't be asking

[dilly]

I liked the original ending at first because it demonstrated how the memories the two had were sweet for each other- figuratively and in this case, literally.

however, since we see that whatever the memories put through the trap door ends up in the person's conscience, this ending takes it a step further from the original one by implying that taiyou now has feelings because his and mari's memories put them there.

idk maybe I'm reading far into it, but I now see how this second ending is more important to have than the first.

and I like it.

it gives me girl feelings.

[rtil]

yeah it's very conflicting for me, and i know it is frustrating when you don't get to see something as an audience, but i also like that it leaves it up to your imagination. i think in the end it will be better, if this thing ever gets made . thanks for your input

[rtil]

sketch for a new painting

[rtil]

[zwimmy]

The back of her left shoe looks really long.

Did you use reference for the pose? Looks like a really tricky angle with the perspective.

[slack]

how very cute