guys i need critique

Started by zomfgbie, January 29, 2009 11:45 AM

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zomfgbie

January 29, 2009 11:45 AM
so i've been away for a few months, havn't had access to flash in nearly a year

anyway i havn't animated in an age and i really dont know wha the fuck im doing. this is something im working on so comments and critique are rly appreciated

i wrote the song just for the cartoon

http://theincrediblebox.deviantart.com/art/adds-110681779

i am dead

<+wwchicken> once i walked into the kitchen and there was a sound
<+wwchicken> but i could only hear it when i stood on one spot in the kitchen
<+wwchicken> then i turned off the light
<+wwchicken> and it was gone
<+wwchicken> then i turned the light back on and there it was again
<+wwchicken> so i thought, its an invisible alien
<+wwchicken> but hes scared of the dark

DrRumack

#2
January 29, 2009 12:30 PM
the folds in the shirt look like crap

<Naza> i hate penis exect mine
<Tyler Naugle> JOKE  TIME w/ JOKEOB BRECK
<+pantsman> you have yet to show me any applicable sign of intelligence yet scrib...
<HatsuneMiku> the pings and timeouts of jacob breck
<dilly> the tba will look up and cry "save us!".... and i'll look down and whisper .... "h"
Quote from: stealth trollwhat's up with you not sucking dicks like the faggot you are
<+fluffkomix> mrscriblam has added you as a friend
<+fluffkomix> ignore
<+mrscriblam> lmao

emanhattan

#3
January 29, 2009 02:53 PM Last Edit: January 29, 2009 02:54 PM by eman
Quote from: MrScriblamthe folds in the shirt look like crap

^^

also it says "an story from freekC" isnt it "A story from FreekC"

Other than that the rest of the flash looks pretty nice so far. I like the variety in detail of the backgrounds.


f0d

#4
January 30, 2009 07:55 AM
Quote from: Zekeyand his eyes kinda look like Family Guy eyes
ya if theres anything i would change its the eyes
I have more of a life writing this review at 1145 pm than you guys do making these movies. . .

zomfgbie

#5
January 30, 2009 08:55 AM
ok thanks guys ill try some different eyes and iron his shirt
i am dead

<+wwchicken> once i walked into the kitchen and there was a sound
<+wwchicken> but i could only hear it when i stood on one spot in the kitchen
<+wwchicken> then i turned off the light
<+wwchicken> and it was gone
<+wwchicken> then i turned the light back on and there it was again
<+wwchicken> so i thought, its an invisible alien
<+wwchicken> but hes scared of the dark

Mightydein

#6
February 11, 2009 04:33 PM Last Edit: February 11, 2009 04:36 PM by Mightydein
Darken your colors a little since the first few shots are set during night. People tend to have there lights off at night while in front of a screen at night time.

Unless the lights are on than show the light bulb in some kind of subtle way.

Your animation also appears to be intended to be cartoony but it is not exaggerated anyway.

Make your drawings funnier and try to include as much frame by frame as possible.

f0d

#7
February 11, 2009 11:47 PM
heyy mightydein glad to see you finally sign up here hows it goin buddy
I have more of a life writing this review at 1145 pm than you guys do making these movies. . .

texas

#8
February 15, 2009 06:29 PM
Quote from: MightydeinPeople tend to have there lights off at night while in front of a screen at night time.
what really?
i always have my light on at night

f0d

#9
February 15, 2009 09:08 PM
depends on if i need to type, or if my roommate is asleep
I have more of a life writing this review at 1145 pm than you guys do making these movies. . .

zomfgbie

#10
February 16, 2009 01:02 AM
i dropped that flash cuz i showed the script to some people and i realised it just wasnt funny and it made no sense

this is what im working on now

http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/160209/373...reyesurgery.php
i am dead

<+wwchicken> once i walked into the kitchen and there was a sound
<+wwchicken> but i could only hear it when i stood on one spot in the kitchen
<+wwchicken> then i turned off the light
<+wwchicken> and it was gone
<+wwchicken> then i turned the light back on and there it was again
<+wwchicken> so i thought, its an invisible alien
<+wwchicken> but hes scared of the dark

Crabarms

#11
February 16, 2009 01:49 AM
looking good.

ZekeySpaceyLizard

#12
February 16, 2009 09:19 AM
when his face hits the glass
it looks really static

have like 1 or 2 frames where his cheeks squish out and then in or something real quick
so it looks like he's rammed into something and not just APPEARED in front of it

if you catch my drift

f0d

#13
February 16, 2009 10:13 AM
i agree with zeke

you could add a few more in betweens and sort of ease him in. think what happens when you set a tween's easing to -100. thats what the motion should look like, only in FBF. then once he's up near the glass you could start from a normal looking pose and in 5 or 6 frames exaggerate the squashing against the glass. then on the last drawing just leave him squashed, he doesnt need to spring back in. would look perfect.

the background is nice and detailed but you could try some sort of perspective... unless you're going for the flattened look in which case looks great
I have more of a life writing this review at 1145 pm than you guys do making these movies. . .

zomfgbie

#14
February 16, 2009 01:10 PM
^

thanks guys, yea i get ya. add more frames when his face is actually on the glass to show it squishing up
i am dead

<+wwchicken> once i walked into the kitchen and there was a sound
<+wwchicken> but i could only hear it when i stood on one spot in the kitchen
<+wwchicken> then i turned off the light
<+wwchicken> and it was gone
<+wwchicken> then i turned the light back on and there it was again
<+wwchicken> so i thought, its an invisible alien
<+wwchicken> but hes scared of the dark

RichChap

#15
May 13, 2009 09:17 PM
his head is shaped like stupid

fix that

Katasaki

#16
May 13, 2009 09:19 PM
I liked the music.

Nice screename for DA by the way.
No.

ZekeySpaceyLizard

#17
May 14, 2009 12:10 AM
Quote from: RichChaphis head is shaped like stupid

fix that


im sure he totally remembers this thread from months ago
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