TheSexAlleys ERP Thread (buckle down sluts)

[Bamyasi]

Hi would anyone like to ERP with me?

Here is an example to inspire you.

My last partner got too fat and died.

Please respond!

[zwimmy]

YES

[Bamyasi]

"Yeth!" cried zwimmy (pronounced thwĭ·mmî), her little lisp echoing cutely throughout the dark, dank, dangerous forest. "DDs!" she shouted, a bit too loudly, and removed the highly protective bikini armor from the perfect chest, and fastened them to her own perfect chest, which they barely covered, before looking back inside. "And a Dragon Dildo™!" she gasped. Things were looking up for the lvl 3 Milk Elf, who was still a bit sore from her last random encounter with a party of Ass Goblins, but her luck seemed to have taken a turn for the better since she bought that "T-Totally Not Cursed!" ankle bracelet from a hooded forest merchant named Bam Yasi. Yeth, she thought, soon the Nine Erogenous Zones of Goddess would once again be peaceful, no longer fearing invasion from time-traveling interdimensional hentai tentacles which kept forcing their way through the Three Wormholes of the North and South Caverns. After all, she was the chosen one. I mean, seriously, why else would her village have picked her to journey into the Thorny Woods as their Sacrificial Hero? Most girls her age just got sent as maidens, suckers. A special title had been fabricated for zwimmy, as becoming a hero had been a dream of hers since childhood. She was going to save Goddess, or the ass wasn't fat (and the ass was always fat where she came from), she knew it, especially now that she was buffed with minus 3 luck.

When suddenly...

[Bamyasi]

(Anyone can write the next part and feel free to do whatever there are no rules.)

[crackers]

[This continuation has been posted on Discord. To read, please join Discord.]

[Philip K Dick]

"Yeth!" cried zwimmy (pronounced thwĭ·mmî), her little lisp echoing cutely throughout the dark, dank, dangerous forest. "DDs!" she shouted, a bit too loudly, and removed the highly protective bikini armor from the perfect chest, and fastened them to her own perfect chest, which they barely covered, before looking back inside. "And a Dragon Dildo™!" she gasped. Things were looking up for the lvl 3 Milk Elf, who was still a bit sore from her last random encounter with a party of Ass Goblins, but her luck seemed to have taken a turn for the better since she bought that "T-Totally Not Cursed!" ankle bracelet from a hooded forest merchant named Bam Yasi. Yeth, she thought, soon the Nine Erogenous Zones of Goddess would once again be peaceful, no longer fearing invasion from time-traveling interdimensional hentai tentacles which kept forcing their way through the Three Wormholes of the North and South Caverns. After all, she was the chosen one. I mean, seriously, why else would her village have picked her to journey into the Thorny Woods as their Sacrificial Hero? Most girls her age just got sent as maidens, suckers. A special title had been fabricated for zwimmy, as becoming a hero had been a dream of hers since childhood. She was going to save Goddess, or the ass wasn't fat (and the ass was always fat where she came from), she knew it, especially now that she was buffed with minus 3 luck.

When suddenly...

...a sharp whistling pierced Bamyasi's ears as if a wasp hovered by his ear canals.
Bamyasi wrenched his neck in the direction of the whistling. Standing in the doorway was Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s (late 80s ie mystic pizza era), in all their disembodied splendor.
"I didn't order these!" ejaculated Bam. "Oh wait." He pruned over his email receipts and found that he had ordered Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s. The receipt was wedged between a personal thank you letter from Donald Trump for campaign donations and a conspiracy theory newsletter. "Yeah, I did order these."
"Hey there," said Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s, in a sultry, weirdly masculine tone. "You lookin' for a good time, sweetie?"
Bamyasi tried to imagine how the legs were speaking, being that they were literally just legs, and it didn't take his imagination long to regret that choice of thoughts. He stood up and yanked down his boxers. His manhood flopped out like an antique accordion, wrinkled and oddly colored. He beckoned for Julia Roberts' legs to come in, and she navigated through heaps of expensive anime figurines and unopened boxes of condoms to where Bam sat, semi-erect.

[Binary_2]

"Yeth!" cried zwimmy (pronounced thwĭ·mmî), her little lisp echoing cutely throughout the dark, dank, dangerous forest. "DDs!" she shouted, a bit too loudly, and removed the highly protective bikini armor from the perfect chest, and fastened them to her own perfect chest, which they barely covered, before looking back inside. "And a Dragon Dildo™!" she gasped. Things were looking up for the lvl 3 Milk Elf, who was still a bit sore from her last random encounter with a party of Ass Goblins, but her luck seemed to have taken a turn for the better since she bought that "T-Totally Not Cursed!" ankle bracelet from a hooded forest merchant named Bam Yasi. Yeth, she thought, soon the Nine Erogenous Zones of Goddess would once again be peaceful, no longer fearing invasion from time-traveling interdimensional hentai tentacles which kept forcing their way through the Three Wormholes of the North and South Caverns. After all, she was the chosen one. I mean, seriously, why else would her village have picked her to journey into the Thorny Woods as their Sacrificial Hero? Most girls her age just got sent as maidens, suckers. A special title had been fabricated for zwimmy, as becoming a hero had been a dream of hers since childhood. She was going to save Goddess, or the ass wasn't fat (and the ass was always fat where she came from), she knew it, especially now that she was buffed with minus 3 luck.

When suddenly...

...a sharp whistling pierced Bamyasi's ears as if a wasp hovered by his ear canals.
Bamyasi wrenched his neck in the direction of the whistling. Standing in the doorway was Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s (late 80s ie mystic pizza era), in all their disembodied splendor.
"I didn't order these!" ejaculated Bam. "Oh wait." He pruned over his email receipts and found that he had ordered Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s. The receipt was wedged between a personal thank you letter from Donald Trump for campaign donations and a conspiracy theory newsletter. "Yeah, I did order these."
"Hey there," said Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s, in a sultry, weirdly masculine tone. "You lookin' for a good time, sweetie?"
Bamyasi tried to imagine how the legs were speaking, being that they were literally just legs, and it didn't take his imagination long to regret that choice of thoughts. He stood up and yanked down his boxers. His manhood flopped out like an antique accordion, wrinkled and oddly colored. He beckoned for Julia Roberts' legs to come in, and she navigated through heaps of expensive anime figurines and unopened boxes of condoms to where Bam sat, semi-erect.

Not long after Bam Yasi got fucked off his ass with Julia Roberts' legs, a small scream could be heard and echoed throughout the land. Zwimmy laughed, hearing the scream and using her milk elf ears to determine the exact circumference of the screamer's penis. "HAHA oh wow it's that small, I'm glad I didn't notice sooner or I would've been killed by how cute it was up close." Just then, Zwimmy noticed she was ontop of a "no more please" trap and fell into the dimension of used memes, never to return. The expert who laid the trap smiled, having hidden in a tree in a very protective mankini made from the finest silk imported from japan by play-asia. His name was Artul, a very effeminate man who's muscles and muscle bulged hard under his fat belly. Preparing to speak, every syllable must be flexed out of his very arousing wind hole and with extreme prejudice. "WHAT-NHG-A-NHGHGH-FINE-NGHHGHGH-TR-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-AP." His voice soon gave out, unable to speak for the remaining 69 years of his life.

Then...

[Bamyasi]

[This continuation has been posted on Discord. To read, please join Discord.]

"Kyahahaha!" an adorable cackle sounded through the hazy, horny, horrible woods. "Eek!" cried zwimmy, falling back onto a patch of thorns, "Wh-who's there?" The laugh returned, as though canned, and a monstrous shadow played across the gnarled trees at the edge of the moonlit glade. "Your death," answered an obnoxiously high pitched voice after a slightly excessive period of silence. "Show yourthelf," said zwimmy, pulling a few stray thorns from her soft buttcheek as she stood, "I'm n-not afraid of anything, least of all d-death." The Milk Elf was exposed and vulnerable in the darkness, but her eyesight was keen, and she scanned the surrounding trees for signs of movement. Assuming cowgirl position, she withdrew a chain of anal beads from a mysterious location behind her, spinning them over her head like a lasso, her Dragon Dildo™ at the ready by her side, hungry for blood and other fluids. Just then, the sound of snapping branches broke through the hot, heavy air, completely ruining the romantic atmosphere, followed by a loud "Omph!" zwimmy spun around and saw a small figure in the darkness, rubbing its head, its legs splayed out on the thorny grass in indecent fashion.
"Oh!" said zwimmy, rushing to help the sniveling mass to its feet, "Are you okay?"
"Get your hands off me you filthy pedo!" shouted the creature, slapping zwimmy's motherly instincts away, dealing .2 damage.
"Oh but you're not hurt, are you?" asked zwimmy, bending down in such a way the writer might draw attention to if this were porn and not a story of revenge and eventual redemption.
"I'm fine!" said the creature, standing up and rubbing its ass. It was then a beam of moonlight broke through the canopy overhead, down upon zwimmy's silvery hair and the thing before her. It was then she saw the creature's true form.
"Oh my Goddeth," said zwimmy, reeling back, lifting her hand to her face, aghast.
"What is it now?" asked the creature, turning to her with a piercing, accusatory gaze.
"You're," started zwimmy, looking down at the monster's tiny bare feet. "Y-You're," she articulated, staring at the monster's pale face, little fang and teary eyes. "Y-Y-You're," she concluded, reaching out to pet the monster's head, overgrown with curly flaxen locks. The monster stared back, horrified.
"Wh-what?" asked the monster.
"SO CUUUUTE!!!" cried zwimmy, pulling the monster to her breast and petting it vigorously. The elf was so overcome with adoration that she barely heard the monster's muffled screams or saw the text appear over its head: "-3 atk, -5 def, -6 dex, -4 int, +3 lov." Whatever little angel the World Mother had birthed at zwimmy's feet, it fought hard, as though for its dying breath, but eventually surrendered, its arms hanging limply by its sides.
"What are you?" asked zwimmy, dropping to her knees to look the beast in the eyes, which had rolled back, the rest of its face frozen in a serene, slightly annoyed expression. "Oh no!" cried zwimmy, "I'll have to administer CPR!" she said, laying the creature across the grass and kneeling over its little panting mouth.
"NOPE!" shouted the monster, and darted up to face its attacker, as though some primal defense mechanism had triggered.
"What's your name?" asked zwimmy, closing her eyes and baring her teeth in such a way that made the creature shiver, as though that maw had already encased itself in its soft, delicious flesh.
"I'm a Troll," said the monster, "You may call me-"
"No," said zwimmy, shaking her head, "I've seen Trolls, and you're much too small and nonthreatening to be one of those."
"M-My name i-" began the monster, flustered.
"That said, I know I've seen your race before," said zwimmy, scratching her head, "I could never forget such an adorable face. It must have been in... a field guide perhaps?"
"I g-go by," said the monster, holding back tears of frustration.
"Oh, I remember!" interrupted zwimmy, snapping her fingers decidedly, "It was in the training manual! One with all this information about the lowest level monsters in Goddess and how to kill them, with adorable illustrations and diagrams of all their weak points," she continued excitedly. Then a sly grin played across her face. "And I know where yooours aaare," she said, spinning her index finger around the monster's anatomy as though ready to deal a killing blow.
"N-nothere!" shouted the monster, covering all its weak points.
"What's your name anyway?" asked zwimmy, sitting cross-legged in an only slightly thorny patch.
"crackers," said the monster, sighing.
"crackers?" repeated zwimmy, giggling, "What an adorable name for a Cuddle Imp!"
"I'm not a Cuddle Imp!" shouted crackers, stamping her feet, "I'm a Troll! I've come to this land to promote Discord!"
"Hey," interrupted zwimmy, "How would you like to be my party member? Someone as cute as you tagging along would really help motivate me."
"NO!" said crackers shyly, blushing slightly, "I'm going to kill you and take your-"
"Oh no," said zwimmy.
"Yes, cower in fear, you slutty Lactate Elf slut," said crackers, grinning maniacally.
"You're covered in bruises!" said zwimmy, grabbing the Cuddle Imp by the hand and pulling her close for inspection. "What did this to you?" she asked, prodding the poor creature dangerously close to its weak spots.
"Ass Goblins," said crackers, folding her hands behind her head like the injuries didn't sting and were no big deal. "You know the thing about Ass Goblins," said crackers, her atk lowering into the negatives.
"What?" asked zwimmy.
"They love gobblin' ass." zwimmy keeled over in hysterics.
"Good one!" she managed to say through her fit of laughter.
"I fail to see the humor in this situation," said crackers, resisting the urge to cry. When the Milk Elf didn't restrain herself, crackers kicked her in the side, dealing +3 damage.

...a sharp whistling pierced Bamyasi's ears as if a wasp hovered by his ear canals.
Bamyasi wrenched his neck in the direction of the whistling. Standing in the doorway was Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s (late 80s ie mystic pizza era), in all their disembodied splendor.
"I didn't order these!" ejaculated Bam. "Oh wait." He pruned over his email receipts and found that he had ordered Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s. The receipt was wedged between a personal thank you letter from Donald Trump for campaign donations and a conspiracy theory newsletter. "Yeah, I did order these."
"Hey there," said Julia Roberts' legs from the 80s, in a sultry, weirdly masculine tone. "You lookin' for a good time, sweetie?"
Bamyasi tried to imagine how the legs were speaking, being that they were literally just legs, and it didn't take his imagination long to regret that choice of thoughts. He stood up and yanked down his boxers. His manhood flopped out like an antique accordion, wrinkled and oddly colored. He beckoned for Julia Roberts' legs to come in, and she navigated through heaps of expensive anime figurines and unopened boxes of condoms to where Bam sat, semi-erect.

As Julia Roberts' legs strutted under the dim glow of the "oppai" overhead light, it was revealed they actually belonged to none other than Bonnie Ghoulman.

Not long after Bam Yasi got fucked off his ass with Julia Roberts' legs, a small scream could be heard and echoed throughout the land. Zwimmy laughed, hearing the scream and using her milk elf ears to determine the exact circumference of the screamer's penis. "HAHA oh wow it's that small, I'm glad I didn't notice sooner or I would've been killed by how cute it was up close." Just then, Zwimmy noticed she was ontop of a "no more please" trap and fell into the dimension of used memes, never to return. The expert who laid the trap smiled, having hidden in a tree in a very protective mankini made from the finest silk imported from japan by play-asia. His name was Artul, a very effeminate man who's muscles and muscle bulged hard under his fat belly. Preparing to speak, every syllable must be flexed out of his very arousing wind hole and with extreme prejudice. "WHAT-NHG-A-NHGHGH-FINE-NGHHGHGH-TR-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-AP." His voice soon gave out, unable to speak for the remaining 69 years of his life.

Then...

This thread is such a clusterfuck I love it.

[Binary_2]

[This continuation has been posted on Discord. To read, please join Discord.]

I thought this was a good jape but then it was real

[crackers]

banned

[BluPhoenix]