ok so basically, does this make any sense at all? can you tell what's going on?
i can use a total of 2 more storyboard cells, where should i put them?
obviously the art is shitty but it doesn't have to be amazing, it just has to get what's happening across so if we could keep the criticism of the art to story-relevant, that'd be helpful. e.g. "if you changed this expression it'd make more sense" or "add these details to better explain whats going on"
haha I get it. The "Show him lots of love" was a bit hard for me to read at first.
The girls face should be more repulsed and shit
Some people might have a problem "getting it" though.
Maybe design the present box to be more representative of the other peoples "lifestyles". For example instead of ribbon have chains and for a bow handcuffs etc etc. Then leave the other present box as you have it. Maybe a wink next to daddy.
Might work!
Quote from: CoolDrMoneyhaha I get it. The "Show him lots of love" was a bit hard for me to read at first.
The girls face should be more repulsed and shit
Some people might have a problem "getting it" though.
Maybe design the present box to be more representative of the other peoples "lifestyles". For example instead of ribbon have chains and for a bow handcuffs etc etc. Then leave the other present box as you have it. Maybe a wink next to daddy.
Might work!
thanks mate, i'l fix up Show him lots of love.
the problem with changing the design of the box is that when the two get switched by mistake you can't know that until the end, so having the box look the same in both examples KINDA explains why there was a mistake in the mail or whatever
i don't get it
hurr.gif
oh wait now i get it
uh
i think
Quote from: rtili don't get it
hurr.gif
oh wait now i get it
uh
i think
ok uhh well it might be useful for you to tell me what you THINK is happening so i can figure out where i need to emphasise more. ugh this thing is a nightmare, its supposed to be due today.
it's just that last panel. are they playing strip poker or something? he's got the whip but what the hell is that green-coat guy doing there
Quote from: michelleit's just that last panel. are they playing strip poker or something? he's got the whip but what the hell is that green-coat guy doing there
yeah hahaha i have no idea, its supposed to be like some kinky sex group. i wanted to make it look more crowded but i couldnt think of anything that kinky sex groups do other than whips and those leather gimp masks. what can i add to make that more obvious?
like i would know
dominatrix outfit
sweaty manhugs
anything else..
Quote from: michellelike i would know
dominatrix outfit
sweaty manhugs
anything else..
yeah that massive solid green really draws attention away from the gag, ill have to get rid of that now. maybe if i put chains around his neck and body and take away his clothes, that'll help. still i dont think markers will appreciate gay bdsm references
Quote from: CamboQuote from: CoolDrMoneyhaha I get it. The "Show him lots of love" was a bit hard for me to read at first.
The girls face should be more repulsed and shit
Some people might have a problem "getting it" though.
Maybe design the present box to be more representative of the other peoples "lifestyles". For example instead of ribbon have chains and for a bow handcuffs etc etc. Then leave the other present box as you have it. Maybe a wink next to daddy.
Might work!
thanks mate, i'l fix up Show him lots of love.
the problem with changing the design of the box is that when the two get switched by mistake you can't know that until the end, so having the box look the same in both examples KINDA explains why there was a mistake in the mail or whatever
I dont think itll give away the punchline. I think people will be confused when they see this girl getting this starnge looking present. Then they see the last panel and theyre like Ooooh!
Quote from: CoolDrMoneyI dont think itll give away the punchline. I think people will be confused when they see this girl getting this starnge looking present. Then they see the last panel and theyre like Ooooh!
OOOOHHH i get it now.
umm what if i make the first box just a non-descript box with the word FRAGILE on the side, but the final one pink with bows, so its like you can clearly tell in the final panel she hasnt got the box she was supposed to get.
Quote from: CamboQuote from: CoolDrMoneyI dont think itll give away the punchline. I think people will be confused when they see this girl getting this starnge looking present. Then they see the last panel and theyre like Ooooh!
OOOOHHH i get it now.
umm what if i make the first box just a non-descript box with the word FRAGILE on the side, but the final one pink with bows, so its like you can clearly tell in the final panel she hasnt got the box she was supposed to get.
hows this?