pt. 1
pt. 2 (http://www.thebackalleys.com/forum/the-gallery/infinite-monkey-theorem/msg294199/#msg294199)
And now for something completely different? (http://www.thebackalleys.com/forum/the-gallery/infinite-monkey-theorem/?message=297475)
let us play with Magic, for I know for what I'm fallin'
oh how I dare to do this; come at me not as my Steed, but a strapping Stallion
I am nevermore ready for all your perfect lies' perfect storm,
for once I'm yours, bastard Horse, there ain't no turnin' back
when you stare succinctly in my eyes, I feel I oughtn't recognise,
and though I daren't look much more south, I take a break unto your mouth
oh my, what large teeth you sport!; I wonder when's your last resort
so what time is it, Mister Wolf? - the straw that broke your Camel's back
so 'fore you shut all your doors, grow to abhor all you swore,
lest we whore as I hoar, evermore looking for something more,
might this be worth the chance that we could soar? — or are you turning back?
Memphis might I sink my teeth in, so Mother may I take control?
is mise ar na muinnea na Muice — you'll have to pry this from my lifeless corpse
lest we over-exaggerate (sic), stress-testing the hyperbole (sic)
are we done to death yet?; are we flogging at the deadest Horse?
nay
and if you were to wear my face yet, would it be a prize, or worse, a steal?
now you don't have to be the lone Wolf, nor I break all these Butterflies upon the wheel
no, now I know now you need not your pace set, yet still manage to so rarely feel
as though delving in the deepest debt, I'm striking up a Devil's deal:
when you sink so softly in my eyes, I fear I ought apologise:
as as I feel this chilling drouth, I chance a glance into your mouth
what are these Mongrel Canines I behold? yeah, you yet keep your cards close as I fold
Honey Bunny Mister Wolf, feel free to make your choice — I'll turn my back
And so, naïve as ever we were, we made a promise to each other.
Though as it turned out, neither of us truly understood the concept of love — nor forever.
;L
i feel like a rope on the goodyear blimp
I thought this was going to be a clever thesis on how if we shitposted enough we could cure cancer
Quote from: rtil on September 22, 2015 12:19 AM
i feel like a rope on the goodyear blimp
I don't really understand the significance of what you're saying.
Quote from: SrsSam77 on September 22, 2015 12:22 AM
I thought this was going to be a clever thesis on how if we shitposted enough we could cure cancer
I shall be sure to let you know when and if I find myself in possession of an infinite amount of anything.
Quote from: Unless on September 22, 2015 12:40 AM
Quote from: rtil on September 22, 2015 12:19 AM
i feel like a rope on the goodyear blimp
I don't really understand the significance of what you're saying.
it basically means i don't get it
This was something I wrote today in the space of an hour or so, largely about my feelings for one person. Though he's seen it, he hasn't shown any indication that he knows it's about him. Perhaps he doesn't want me to probably think him so Vayne, perhaps he recognises it's personal and would be embarrassed to guess wrong, but almost certainly it's occurred to him. We sort of back-and-forth a lot and he asked me out a couple of days ago. What fun!
The whole piece is based on animalism and distortions of metaphors pertaining to animals. He made a comment that we two are like sheep following each other, though conditionally one could be a wolf in sheep's clothing, but didn't specify who he thought was which. I don't mind sinking my teeth into such a notion — but should he be my dark horse (as could make sense whichever way this is spun), I don't much want a loyal steed, rather an independent and powerful stallion. Though I believe looking a gift horse in the mouth, and self-sabotage as a whole, come very naturally to me.
The first verse, I suppose, is very much a perversion of that one Katy Perry song and I initially started my scribbling when I was linked to this (http://youtu.be/3Y4pbyVfGHU?t=6).
tbh i don't think anyone would know something as verbose and prose-y as this would be about them
if it's meant to be a romantic gesture i'd suggest being more forward, (most) guys are kind of clueless when it comes to these kinds of hints. at the very least you could say 'hey i wrote this for you'
but congrats on the date hope it goes well
There were a few direct quotes of things he's said within the past few days up on which I'd hoped he'd pick. I'm not rightly sure it's meant to be a romantic gesture as such, this is just... a bit. A proper relationship is impossible for a number of reasons as well, so mostly we just humour each other. I'll let him know for definite a day or two after the other thread dies, so I can see what his uncoloured opinion might be, should he feel like sharing.
this was for me oh cool thank you
It's like I'm actually reading Unless's diary.
It honestly feels really odd to read poetic prose in verbal slang.
Quote from: soap on September 22, 2015 03:50 AM
It's like I'm actually reading Unless's diary.
No this is my diary:
Quote from: Unless on September 22, 2015 11:29 AM
[spoiler](https://thebackalleys.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Forig02.deviantart.net%2Fef7c%2Ff%2F2011%2F127%2F1%2F5%2Fneurowatch_by_pteraclaww-d3ftapm.jpg&hash=0259926dbe729c2873fab3ce03b4839d55488f59)
[spoiler](https://thebackalleys.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg06.deviantart.net%2F382e%2Fi%2F2011%2F316%2F0%2Ff%2Fnegarainicorn_by_pteraclaww-d4fwxpy.jpg&hash=a073a4ad8e34b5a5e9c5843b0eefbe011f871a30)
Too edgy for you, it's just what comes to mind. A glimpse into my head that's so rotten you'd need a down bleach just to save yourself because I'm so irreparable. I live in a mental asylum - oh, but it's a special one where we're allowed on the internet and everything! I have gone through many different psychiatrists but they keep leaving because I make them quit because I'm too much to handle. I shoot cocaine and snort heroin all the time to help me forget who I am because that helps. The police used to come around my house a lot but they don't bother any more because they never find anything out of place, despite all the rumours by the people who cross the street as I walk down it. Yes I'm 16! Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I can't have gone through worse than you have!
#thereisahellbelievemei'veseenit
#thereisaheavenlet'skeepitasecret
http://youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM/ (http://youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM/)
[spoiler]wake me up[/spoiler]
Wake me up inside
[spoiler]can't wake up[/spoiler]
Wake me up inside
[spoiler]SAVE ME[/spoiler]
So am I / still waiting / for this world to stop hating
[spoiler]/ (me)[/spoiler]
Quote from: Unless on September 22, 2015 12:41 PM
So am I / still waiting / for this world to stop hating
[spoiler]/ memes[/spoiler]
it's been over six months..... and i still dont understand this..............
maybe im in the wrong degree..........
Quote from: rtil on September 22, 2015 02:27 AM(most) guys are kind of clueless when it comes to these kinds of hints.
Sometimes anime really
is like real life..
Quote from: crackers on April 11, 2016 07:18 AM
it's been over six months..... and i still dont understand this..............
It's a love song of sorts with wordplay based mainly on phrases and sayings relating to animals.
I think you're unbearably pretentious 99% of the time but there are hints of decency amidst the mud.
Are you looking for constructive criticism as to how to improve your poetry? Or are you happy with this as the genuine finished article? If it's the former, I would be happy to offer some advice. Drop me a private message and I'll gladly discuss my thoughts with you there.
That's something that comes across in writing a lot for a number of reasons. In other formats you might just find I'm not such an unbridled bitch.
I have an issue where I often write things with favour given to making an ambiguous reference to something, over actually being articulated well. I do that a lot generally. In song-writing I don't alter it a whole lot when I catch myself, because I like the idea of people being able to interpret many different things from lyrics and find their own personal stake.
This piece was just one night's work that left me feeling satisfied that night. Not really anything that made me proud and I don't really care to expand it. If you have some wicked-awesome tips and tricks that you think would be more generally helpful (for me) though, I'd be happy to read it and weep, thanks.
Unless is cool.
Quote from: crackers on April 11, 2016 07:18 AM
maybe im in the wrong degree..........
English or poetry?
eng lit unemployment studies 101
Hey - a degree in English lit, much like Latin or anything that ends in 'studies' can totally be used to get a job teaching that thing to unsuspecting future generations of students.
Can confirm both my parents were English majors and they are both unemployed.
Quote from: Bamyasi on April 17, 2016 06:25 PM
Can confirm both my parents were English majors and they are both unemployed.
Possibly my favorite thing to hear (except it sucks people are unemployed)
Just learned today my mom got hired as an editor for a literary journal.
Suck it STEMfags.
Yeah suck it me
Don't forget to work the shaft.
Quote from: Numeromancy.
It takes one to know one swift fell swoop
like a bat out of hell and certainly the belfry.
If you've something to prove to the birds and the bees,
I won't bat an eye at your rhinoplasty.
I'll take two hoots, 'cause I sure won't give them.
Find somebody else to get up and go;
I cry like I fly like a carrion crow
and I've two left feet and no time to tango.
It takes three strikes 'til it's not just company
any more — it's a crowd and my agoraphobia
is making this worse, so I might disperse.
If you don't quite care, let's put two and two together;
playing pretend we're birds of a feather.
I could commend, but that's such a no-no;
you're more like a doornail to me, less like a dodo.
And if you don't much mind, I might just take five.
I'm chicken-livered, but at least alive
though I feel like a dead duck, dusted and done.
I won't be there, I'll stay fair and square,
right back at square one.
Now can you see how this is cyclic?
Makes me feel one sandwich short of a picnic,
up the wall, and driving me sick.
Apologies, I don't mean to nitpick,
and I know I've a number of bees in my bonnet,
but I've zero interest in your haiku and sonnets.
So here's one for the road,
turn by the way the devil drives you home,
and
one good turn deserves
another.
[spoiler]
Quote from: Unless on April 14, 2016 12:47 AM
Quote from: crackers on April 14, 2016 12:27 AM
I would be happy to offer some advice. Drop me a private message and I'll gladly discuss my thoughts with you there.
This piece was just one night's work that left me feeling satisfied that night. Not really anything that made me proud and I don't really care to expand it. If you have some wicked-awesome tips and tricks that you think would be more generally helpful (for me) though, I'd be happy to read it and weep, thanks.
I may have been remembering it worse than it was, but this is one of a couple of posts I at least regret the wording for, in that I think it came across as completely unappreciative of an offer for help with my work despite admittedly not liking me most of the time. I'm sorry.
[/spoiler]
I think this is the first time in a while I've felt like writing something that's less about wordplay and more about evoking feelings, because... well, it should probably be obvious if you read it. We don't have personal blogs here or anything and it's not exactly something I felt comfortable bringing up and still isn't.
Quote from: Unbrilliant pebble.
Precious beautiful boy, stupid little fool boy, sakes alive, what am I to do?
You didn't realise you belonged, and I guess I waited too long to tell you all the things I never knew I had to.
A wicked world of damned doubts, a sudden single strikeout, can't believe I'm still here and yet you're gone.
Now I guess I'll try to stick it out, but everything is so wrong and life has no business just going on.
I have never felt more sorry; but if you'll forgive me, I'll avow:
if you thought life was bad before, then you should see it now.
And I have never felt more heartbreak; it reaps despite my best
efforts to rip the god-damned thing the fuck out of my chest
and I would tear apart my eyelids if I thought it could help me see
how these diamond eyes bring some folks high, but they just don't fly for me.
I try to consult my conscience but it speaks to me in tongues,
so I'll settle for poisoning my liver and blackening my lungs.
There's a wound in my world but I'm sadder for you for you'll never know happiness, forever uncompleted.
You wanted happiness for us, but he's gone forever and I'm sorry mommy, for I am defeated.
Quote from: Unless on March 28, 2017 02:31 AM
less about wordplay and more about evoking feelings, because...
That's what good writing tends to be you know.
Can't say much about the poem because I know jack about critiquing poetry and even less about free verse.
I will say your language is has definitely improved from page one. Gets the point across far, far better. I'd say work on your metre but this reads a lot like song lyrics so maybe that's what you were going for.
But yeah definitely keep trying to write about things instead of about words. That's a good rule for anyone I think.
I usually find that much less fun both to read and write.
Post something that's only or mostly good for its wordplay then I'm quite curious.
Well you tried.
Story of my life.
Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.
How did in the world did I miss this thread and the opportunity to shitpost in it
Quote from: Unless on March 28, 2017 04:29 AM
Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.
I meant post something
by someone else that fills that criterion.
The one you mentioned isn't completely incomprehensible but also doesn't point to anything. Wordplay is a lot like masturbation, you may find it touching, but if your poetry doesn't facilitate intercourse you should beat it.
Quote from: Bamyasi on March 29, 2017 05:45 AM
Quote from: Unless on March 28, 2017 04:29 AM
Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.
I meant post something by someone else that fills that criterion.
The one you mentioned isn't completely incomprehensible but also doesn't point to anything. Wordplay is a lot like masturbation, you may find it touching, but if your poetry doesn't facilitate intercourse you should beat it.
I don't know. The only thing I can think of right now is Owl City, they're usually pretty known for filling their lyrics with silly wordplay. But that's probably a bad example because I don't even like Owl City very much. Can't really think straight right now.
In any case I'd generally rather have something that a select few people would enjoy a lot than something that everybody can appreciate just a bit.
Quote from: SrsSam77 on March 29, 2017 05:06 AM
How did in the world did I miss this thread and the opportunity to shitpost in it
It had a less obvious name before I changed it again with the latest entry. If the idea of being a minor bother to me makes you giddy, then knock yourself out.
Fair 'nuff. Ganbatte Unless-senpai.
Quote from: crackers on April 11, 2016 07:18 AM
it's been over six months..... and i still dont understand this..............
Quote from: crackers on April 11, 2016 07:18 AM
maybe im in the wrong degree..........
to me this might be the most poetic thing in this thread
Hijaxking and Necro posting
Scrap 🪣 Poetry Art
Like a Lion on a chain,
Boxed within a cage,
No Escape,
No Taste of Freedom,
Seeping Light,
Meets the creep,
As I weep,
Knowing it's deep
---
Infinity and Beyond
Chants a certain space ranger
Infinity to nowhere
Chants the population
As days go by
The world dwindles by
Like a candle
Slowly extinguishing it's flame
One last effort sounds a cry
Evil takes play
---
Flip the odds
Taken by surprise
What does this mean?
Question marks follows suspense
Am I dreaming?
Am I alive?
The world, the dance
The party.
It's all I remember
Yesterday was tomorrow
But thats gone.
Its a new day,
But its not a new me.