girl poop

[Philip K Dick]

Chapter 1

One fateful morning, Stephen Wurlitzer woke up and asked himself: Do girls really poop? On the surface, it would seem that the obvious answer would be yes, but as he considered the question more deeply, analyzed it, scrutinized it, he found himself stumped. Considering the tricky nature of the girl, it was impossible to answer this question without further investigation and proper evidence.

   Before Stephen could even think about turning on his CÖMPUTØR, his cell phone began to vibrate within his pocket. It was Johanna Amsterdam, Stephen's girlfriend. Perfect. He could ask her.

   "Sup bitch?" said Stephen.

   "Sup," said Johanna, "So... you know Gaylord Fantardo? The rich guy who lives up the hill and always invites us to his parties for some reason?"

   "What about him?"

   "He invited us to another one. I'm leaning towards a no this time."

   "I'm going to have to agree with you. Those are some wack-ass socialite bullshit parties and we don't even fit in, anyway."

   "So I'll tell him no then?"

   "Yeah."

   "I'm just worried that he's gonna freak or something. You know that bro. He'll probably send some assassins our way or something. He's crazy."

   "I know he's crazy, but not assassin crazy. I don't think there are any assassins in Baskersville anyway."

   Johanna laughed.

   "Well listen babe, I gotta go..."

   "Hold up. I need to ask you a very important question concerning the fecal nature of the female species."

   "Uh... I think that can wait. Bye!"

   Johanna hung up, leaving Stephen's question yet unanswered.

Stephen checked the clock. It was almost 9:30! Stephen was going to be late for his massage if he didn't hurry!!! He only wished he had time to check the INTÖRNETS to decipher the girl poop mystery, but it would have to wait.

[LordZeebmork]

wack-ass socialite bullshit parties lmao

[salutations]

girls poop rainbows and jellybeans

[Daveb0t]

tubgirl

girls poop rainbows and jellybeans

CHAPTER 2

Forgetting about his massage entirely and in entirety, he arrived at Johanna(?)'s hose and pulled out his disgusting smelly cock.  Gross!

The End

[DrRumack]

ahahaha

[Philip K Dick]

Girl Poop Chapter 2

Stephen got some Chinese food on the way to the massage parlor. It was tasty delicious!

"Something smells like Chinese food," said Tyson Birch as Stephen entered the door to the parlor. "Oh wait, its just Stephen."

Tyson was the gay receptionist at the massage parlor. Stephen didn't exactly get along with the bro. In fact, Stephen considered Tyson his mortal enemy. It was a shame Tyson never provoked Stephen beyond a mere taunt, because Stephen would be all over his ass in a second if he ever-

"Stephen! You are finally here!" came a pleasant sounding voice that Stephen recognized as Ilyana Hryðjuverkamannsins, his sexy Icelandic masseuse. Stephen and Ilyana rushed forward and embraced one another in a totally friendly, casual hug.

"Where have you been, Stephen my darling?" inquired Ilyana as she pulled away to face Stephen.

   "Well," said Stephen, "I've been a little busy as of late. You know, that whole fishing trip with my pals... a bunch of stupid parties at this rich guy's house... oh, and I've been trying to stop neglecting my girlfriend. You know, give her a little bit more attention."

   Ilyana scrunched her face up and looked to the side. It was what she did when she was irritated.

   "Come on, Stephen my darling. It is quite obvious that this, this – girlfriend of yours is not good enough for you. If anything, she should be giving YOU more attention."

   "We've been over this a thousand times, Ilyana. I love Johanna."

   "Don't you love ME, Stephen my darling?"

   "Of course! But..."

   "But?"

   "I'm not IN love with you. Listen, Ilyana, you really have to get over this."

   Ilyana sighed a very deep sigh.

   "I suppose I must. You break my heart, Stephen Wurlitzer."

   "I know, I know," said Stephen, embracing her once again. "You ready for my massage?"

   "Are YOU ready, Stephen my darling?

   "Hell yeah. Oh, but first I need to ask you something."

   "Yes?"

   "Do girls really poop? Honestly."

   That's when Tyson burst out laughing. He fell to the ground, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks.

   "I'm serious. And hey, fuck you Tyson."

   "Let us talk about this some other time," said Ilyana, as she took Stephen's hand and ushered him into the other room where Stephen began to prepare for his massage.

Girl Poop Chapter 3

   Stephen thanked and paid Ilyana for the massage. As he left the parlor, he could hear Tyson continue to snicker about his totally legitimate question. There was no way of knowing if girls really pooped or not, because Stephen wasn't a girl. They could have been doing something else when they claimed to be going #2. For instance: bleeding out of their vaginas or something crazy like that.

   Ilyana obviously didn't look like she wanted to talk about her ass or what came out of it during the massage or after it, so Stephen didn't mention it again.

Stephen hadn't walked two steps towards his car when a totally hot babe approached him. Cool! Delicious!

"Hey there, baby," said Stephen.

"Are you Stephen Wurlitzer?" said the babe with a totally hot British accent. "My name is Amelia Fantardo."

That name rang a bell, but Stephen couldn't quite place it. Oh well.

"I have a warning for you and your girlfriend..." began Amelia.

"And I have a warning for you!" interrupted Stephen. "Wait. No, I take that back. I can't be hostile until we're intimate. Uh... ignore that last part. What I actually meant was-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me you little prick!" said Amelia, raising her voice. "My father, Gaylord, has sent his assassins after you and your girlfriend. I suggest that you go into hiding for a few months so he'll forget about you. And never engage in contact with anyone in the Fantardo family again. Got all that, dimwit?"

Dumbstruck and befuddled with the sudden load of new information, Stephen decided to bring up a topic of a different sort of "load".

"Hey, I was wondering-"

"I will not go on a date with you," said Amelia.

"I was just going to ask if, um, girls really poop."

   "You can't be serious. Is this really what I get for trying to save lives?"

   "Nobody will tell me!" pleaded Stephen. "Somebody has to know!"

   "Fuck you." And with that, Amelia stormed off.

   "I like your breasts!" yelled Stephen as Amelia drove off.

   Stephen got in his car and pulled out his cell phone to call Johanna, and as luck would have it, it began to ring, with Johanna's ring tone playing.

   "Hello?"

   "Stephen. Thank god. You wouldn't believe what just happened. Some crazy bro named Javier just tried to kill me!"

   "He wouldn't happen to be an assassin would he?" asked Stephen, recalling what that babe had warned him about.

   "How the cock should I know? All I know is, he very clearly announced the fact that his name was Javier, and then he tried to kill me with a butterfly knife! Fuck!"

"Babe, I know exactly what's going on."

"You do? You know who this fucking asshole is?"

"Well... not exactly. But I know who hired him. It was that rich guy. Gaylord Fantardo."

"Penis!"

[Philip K Dick]

Chapter 4: Sing Boy Gets Laid

   What is the sound that a Sing Boy makes? Quee-mar! Quee-mar!

   Peter I mean Andrew Capelli dived headfirst into the dank tank filled with satin. In was a knitting kit shit thing and then I died. Wonderbread apostrophes could not do justice awful – is that what I thought I'd dogging? Take it or leave it – sing boy won 5 dollars in the raffle. Hey, that's not 2 bad. I'd do wonders for the best of the clansmen. Army, tigers are bad when the grunt is far. Wind city nude México. Oh sing, breasts breasts breasts breasts breasts breasts. How any shirt! Quest "Heh!" whispered Javier, licking his very (chapped) lips. "I'm an h'assassin developed by the good folks at the Fantardo Company... I wanna kill Johanna Amsterdam cos I getting paid the big dollars?Powerful


Girl Pupae Chapter V: Tomorrow

   Stephen drove as fast as he could to Johanna's house. He even ran a red lite..........

   "But she wasn't there," said Stephen. "Johanna! Where R U!" Stephen searched the whole house but all he could find were Johanna's purple socks. Stephen stashed them in his purse I mean wallet Heh! Why would he do that don't ask me ok I don't fucking kn

   Stephen tried several more times to call his girlfriend but to no avail. She just wouldn't pick up! Stupid bitch. She was probably cheating on him.

   Stephen decided that now would be a good time to take a crap. Johanna's bathroom smelled like delicious. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Our hero pulled down his pants, and sat down. He pushed and pushed and eventually a big ol' turd came flyin' out. It landed with a PLOP in the water.

   THEN OUT OF THE FUCKIN BLUE JAVIER JUMPED THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Stephen was so surprised that he jumped right out of his seat. He ran screaming out of the bathroom, stumbling over his lowered pantaloons while Javier chased him, wielding his signature butterfly knife.

   "Heh ! HE HE ima catch u..." taunted Javier the assassin as he walked slowly towards Stephens.

   After managing to waddle his way into the living room, Stephen tripped and fell flat on his jai-ho.

   "I will cut u up. Fuk u!"
   
   Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got d. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got east. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up. Stephen got up.

   He ran for the front door but 2 his surprise? JK lol nothing was surprising about the front door. Javier followed close behind. Fuck! The engine wouldn't start. The engine went put-putta-putt butt it just would not go@! Javier twirled his butterfly knife ominously as he approached the van. As he approached the mustang, Javier twirled his butterfly knife ominously.
   
   DAN BROWN

   Johanna Amsterdam began to scream. Who were these mysterious people whom were kidnapping her? More importantly, she hoped they weren't white. Johanna hated white people. She was a racist at heart and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

   "Shut the fuck UP back there!" shouted her blonde, white-skinned, redneck captor, sitting in the driver's seat.

   "Who r u!?" demanded Johanna. "Release me @ once!"

   "Well... what do you say, reader?" the redneck asked you. Release her?"

Y/N
Bad Story Chapter 6: Menopause

   Suddenly, Johanna's pussy began to react rapidly in congestion with the temperature of the northern winds. At 50 kilometers/hour, blood spurted rapidly out of Johanna's cunt, filling the car up to the brim with menstrual blood and drowning her redneck captor.
   
But it was a trick!

   The Irish redneck became a Gaelic zombie and attacked the world's supply of tobacco products. Fortunately he was stopped just in time by Captain Cigarette and Nicotine Man using their combined powers of smoky justice.

   But it was a trick!

   Sluggy Valentino, captain of the baseball team and world premiere league scuba diver, did 50 kick flips off the golden gate bridge just in time to stop the cancer-causing caper from killing the carter kid's cats.

   But it was a trick!

   Johanna Amsterdam, as she struggled to escape the chains that bound her, soon realized that she was really escaping Stephen. She had been trying to break free all this time... and she hadn't even realized it.........

   DAN BROWN

   Javier slammed his fist against the windowpane of the car, causing it to break. Wow this is really interesting. The sound of the glass shattering caused Stephen to go deaf. Then, the glint from Javier's butterfly knife blinded Stephen. Forever. As Stephen opened his mouth to shout "stop!", his tongue fell out. Then, all the nerves in his body suddenly went dead. Stephen was still alive, he just couldn't smell, taste, hear, move, feel, or do anything really. That's when Stephen's entire body compressed itself until it was nothing more than a cube, roughly the size of a small pair of Sennheiser MX550s.

The End

[retrosmash]

LMFAO

bravo

jesus christ this stuff brings me to tears of laughter, a lot better than your music.

[creamcorn]

jesus christ this stuff brings me to tears of laughter

^^^

[Crabarms]

Inspirational.

[trent bortknob]

jesus christ this stuff brings me to tears of laughter, a lot better than your music.

i do agree that the stories are funnier than the music but i dont think that they're comparable

[Casey Pixmintro]

Lmfao what the fuck just happened?!

[DrRumack]

lmaoo