Wah-Hey! Supa Europarty!!!!!!

[Philip K Dick]

a short story by armon pakdel

Act I:

      Nick was late to the party! What party you ask? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, SHIT CUNT? THE NAME OF THE PARTY IS IN THE TITLE! All asbestos aside, Nick was late to the party! Oh no!
   If there was one party that Nick didn't want to miss in his pathetic mess of a lifetime, it was the SUPA EUROPAR-TAY!!!!!!! All the coolest kids in school were going to the party, including Jimmy Davidson and Dave Johnson. Dave and Jimmy were the coolest kids in school! Have fun Nick!
   Nick arrived just in time. Everybody was waiting for him!
   
   "Where were U Nick?" said Django.
   
   "We were starting to think U wouldn't show up!!" said Django.

   "U can always count on me..." Nick said with a sheepish grin.

   Nick made his way to the back of the where he found himself staring straight into the breasts of Carol Diamond, the hottest chick in school! Carol was really hot.

   "Nice breasts." said Nick with a sheepish grin.
   
   "Thanks." said Carol, taking a sip of vodka and looking the other way.

   Suddenly Jimmy and Dave came barging in. Carol was Jimmy's girlfriend. Carol was Dave's girlfriend.

   "U talking about my girlfriend's tits? U gonna pay, punk!" said Dave.

   "U talking about my girlfriend's boobs? U gonna pay, punk!" said Jimmy.

   Fuck! Jimmy is in trouble! What's gonna happen next?

[Philip K Dick]

Act 2:

Nick was very kindly escorted out of the premises by his first-class acquaintances Jimmy and Dave! Its OK Nick. Better luck next time! Not everyone is a ladykiller!
The next day @ school, Nick walked to school by himself. That's because he didn't have any friends! Silly Nick!

   "Dude, that was a totally sick europarty last nite. Sucks that you missed out, Nick." said Django. Django was Nick's imaginary friend.

   "Fuk U!" screamed Nick with a sheepish grin. Everyone in the school gave Nick a funny look for talking with himself! Silly Nick!

   Jimmy and Dave beat Nick up for no reason after school. Nick was used to it so he didn't care! LOL! Jimmy secretly wished that one day he could grope Carol's breasts. Too bad that would be sexual harassment, AND he would probably get beaten to death by Jimmy and Dave! Silly Nick!

   Jimmy walked home by himself. When he got home his mother told him to wash the dishes.

   "Fuk U!" shouted Nick with a sheepish grin. Nick's mother spanked him and told him to go to his room. Silly Nick! Even though you're 17 years old, you still get spanked by your mother! That is very silly! If your father was still alive, he would be ashamed.

   Nick jacked off to hentai videos in his room that night. Silly Nick!

[funzop]

so silly

[trent bortknob]

this is the best fuckin story ever

i\\\'m always impressed by these

their purposeful misuse of grammar and and shit is really fuckin clever

[rtil]

this is the best fuckin story ever

anyone surprised

[emanhattan]

lmao

[trent bortknob]

this is the best fuckin story ever

anyone surprised

sorry i just like his writing style dog

i mean if i didnt think it was funny i wouldnt say so

stop giving me shit for something that doesnt even make sense

[rtil]

"dog"

[LordZeebmork]

Police Commisioner: Kaiser get in here right now!
Kaiser: Yes, police commissioner?
Police Commisioner: There's a knight hiding...
Kaiser: Like a knight in shining armor?
Police Commisioner: There's a knight hiding in my room.
Kaiser: Have you seen the knight?
Police Commisioner: No, but every now and again, I hear him scraping his blade agon the floor, cackling.
Kaiser: Well, if you haven't seen him, I don't understand how you know that it's a knight.
Police Commisioner: I can hear the clinking of metal as he scurries behind desk to cabinet.
Kaiser: I think that's probably just the pipes.
Police Commisioner: It's certainly n- I found a big fanciful feather that fell out of his cap.
Kaiser: A f- I don't- knights don't have feathers.
Police Commisioner: How could you deny that?
Kaiser: I, I-
Police Commisioner: Look at this feather.
Kaiser: Ok, police commissioner-
Police Commisioner: Imagine it adorned on top of a metal helmet, riding on an armored horse.
Kaiser: He-
Police Commisioner: Hiding in my office.
Kaiser: Tonight I'll pick up some-
Police Commisioner: I know you can hear us!
Kaiser: Tonight I'll pick up some-
Police Commisioner: I know you're out there!
Kaiser: I'll get some knight traps.

*bleep*

Police Commisioner: Kaiser get in here right now!
Kaiser: Yes, police commissioner.
Police Commisioner: I put a bird in this glue... Look at it. Look how pathetic it is.
Kaiser: This is just cruel, why are we doing this, police commisioner, this is-
Police Commisioner: You have nothing to do with it. Shut up.
Kaiser: *laughs* I don't- I- can I-
Police Commisioner: Get out.
Kaiser: I- thank you.
Police Commisioner: Turn off the lights!
Kaiser: I think I'm going to report you!
Police Commisioner: Turn the lights off!
Kaiser: I think I'm definitely reporting you to someone...
Police Commisioner: Get back here.
Kaiser: What? What
Police Commisioner: Get back here.
Kaiser: What? What? Just What?
Police Commisioner: Look how pathetic it is.
Kaiser: I don't wanna look at how pathetic it is. This is horrible. What a terrible thing.
Police Commisioner: *laughs*
Kaiser: And you're just laughing. I- I am going to my own office-
Police Commisioner: No, no, come here.
Kaiser: And I'm-
Police Commisioner: Shut up! Shut up!
Kaiser: Stop telling me to shut up.
Police Commisioner: Put your hand on the table and close your eyes.
Kaiser: No I am certainly not going to do that!
Police Commisioner: Come on.
Kaiser: No! Just, gluing a bird. I'm not doing this. No way.
Police Commisioner: Look at it.
Kaiser: I don't- no. No. No! Thank you.
Police Commisioner: He'll never fly again.
Kaiser: I say good-day!

*bleep*

Police Commisioner: Kaiser get in here right now!
Kaiser: Yes police commissioner.
Police Commisioner: This coat fit me properly?
Kaiser: Yea I think you look pretty good.
Police Commisioner: I can't figure out if its- pretty- can you- come on.
Kaiser: Yea I'll help. Here we go.
Police Commisioner: Mm mm.
Kaiser: There you are.
Police Commisioner: Ah.
Kaiser: How's that?
Police Commisioner: Ah, ah.
Kaiser: Okay. Alright.

*bleep*

Police Commisioner: Kaiser I want you in my office pronto!
Kaiser: Yes police commissioner.
Police Commisioner: Holy moley I got a funny joke for you.
Kaiser: Oh a joke, I could use a funny joke.
Police Commisioner: Alright
Kaiser: What is it?
Police Commisioner: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
Kaiser: What are you gonna do?
Police Commisioner: Just do it.
Kaiser: I don't know if this is a good idea.
Police Commisioner: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
Kaiser: I think this is a joke on me and I don't wanna-
Police Commisioner: Trust me, trust me
Kaiser: *moans*
Police Commisioner: You're alright, you're eyes closed tight?
Kaiser: Yea.
*bang*
Kaiser: You mother fucker! Why the fuck did you do that?
Police Commisioner: *laughs* I hit your hand with this hammer.
Kaiser: Yea why the f- that's not funny. Screw you police commissioner. Listen, listen, I resign.
Police Commisioner: No way
Kaiser: I- I'm gonna write a letter of resignation right now.
Police Commisioner: You're hired.

*bleep*

Police Commisioner: Kaiser get in here right now!
Kaiser: Yes police commissioner.
Police Commisioner: Look how big that is.
Kaiser: Yea that is big.
Police Commisioner: I can't believe how big that is.
Kaiser: That is really really big.
Police Commisioner: Wow.
Kaiser: I don't even know how they got it in here.
Police Commisioner: I don't even know what it is.
Kaiser: What are you gonna do with it.
Police Commisioner: I don't know. Maybe, um. How warm do you think it is?
Kaiser: I dunno. It looks pretty warm.
Police Commisioner: It looks pretty warm.
Kaiser: Yea.
Police Commisioner: Touch it with your- touch it with your skin.
Kaiser: What?
Police Commisioner: Touch it with your skin a little bit.
Kaiser: I- why don't you touch it with your skin?
Police Commisioner: I've- Ive been doing it for hours before you got in here. Wh- Touch it witch your skin.
Kaiser: Well what was it doing to your skin?
Police Commisioner: Nothing.
Kaiser: It was doing nothing to your skin?
Police Commisioner: Nothing at all. Touch it.
Kaiser: Are you lying to me police commissioner?
Police Commisioner: No, no
Kaiser: Why do you want me to touch it.
Police Commisioner: Touch it with your skin.
Kaiser: I don't think I'm gonna do that.
Police Commisioner: Touch it with some of your skin.
Kaiser: No listen, I gotta get to work. There's a lot of stuff that needs to be done. I'm not gonna touch that with my skin.
Police Commisioner: Bokork
Kaiser: Are you calling me chicken?
Police Commisioner: No. Call mommy.
Kaiser: Thank you.

*bleep*

Police Commisioner: Kaiser get in here right now.
Kaiser: What is it police commissioner?
Police Commisioner: My hands are turning into some sort of cream.
Kaiser: Your hands are turning into a cream?
Police Commisioner: Oh I can just tell.
Kaiser: Well did you eat anything?
Police Commisioner: When I woke up in the morning I saw huge cream.
Kaiser: Well maybe its not that your hands are turning into cream, maybe you just had some cream on your hands.
Police Commisioner: No you don't see.
Kaiser: You've used all the sea?
Police Commisioner: Yoouuu!

*long bleep*

[DrRumack]

lmao zeeb