-Utopia- First Scene

[YungJazz]

This is the first scene of Nighgun -Utopia- (aka Episode 2) I've been working on as of 2 weeks ago. It's on and off, maybe every other day. I decided to keep my urban pseudo-anime style and try to improve on it, and came here for advice since I know that I'll get not only an unbiased critique, but one from a bunch of people who seem to hate me and my cartoons. So I want to know what I can do to improve story scenes like this. Enjoy.

[Gerkinman]

Channel 666 is a kinda lame name.

Needs more Beelzebub Network.

[rtil]

animation has improved. some of the lipsync is jittery and the mouths sometimes have that 'floating' feeling as the jaws don't really move. i like the colors you are choosing. i think the channel 666 thing is a little cheesy and the logo could be a little more interesting (looks like a standard font and the spinning logo is offset). so far i think it's pretty strong. the volume on some of the dialog could be turned up

[anigen]

i think your animation has improved, but your anatomy in the still shots, when it's not moving, can be a bit fff. i'd work on life drawing and shit

[MRat]

K.


Here's what needs to most work in my opinion. Your director's eye is great. Some nice shots.

Your director's nuance however is horrifying. You need to really work on pacing. Your scenes and editing are all over the place. Terrible timing. Some shots are held way too long, some not long enough. You really need to fix your transitions too, most of them are inept and end up distracting and removing me from feeling like I'm there in the movie.

You're animation itself has improved, but I had a hard time enjoying what was onscreen because it felt very poorly presented.

[YungJazz]

Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart while animating the rest. Especially MRat's, that's a good point, I'll make sure to do that. For the opening scene, I really just wanted it to be pretty quick and painless so that I can get to the main parts at the execution site, but I will definitely try harder to bring the viewer into the environment.

Also Mrat, where can I find that video in your sig? That's hilarious.

[MRat]

It's from a swedish movie called Kopps.

[GRINACE]

lol the episode that grin is in...

plus...

i cant watch it.... just white screen..

edit, nvm...

[ThePrototype]

I really like the art style in this. It's got a bit of anime influence in it obviously, but the eyes and lips are different enough to make it unique.

The Channel 666 logo could use a lot of work though.

[YungJazz]

Yea Grinace I got you hehe

And thanks prototype