Taking a hiatus from/completely leaving TBA

[ProtoChaud]

Thread title says it all.

Earlier today in another discord I stumbled across a few people from TBA, whom I considered friends, talking about me, which would be fine except having been absent at that time, they were free to speak openly, and I discovered what they actually think of me.

This isn't the first time I've found out that people I considered to be my friends didn't actually care about me (though I can't fathom why. There are more entertaining "massive whiny fags" around), but it's as hurtful as ever. I suppose I'm living up to my reputation right now, aren't I? Oh well, it can't be helped.

Right now I'm not sure if I'm going to come back at all, but I'm definitely taking a week or 3 off.

For what it's worth, my time on TBA has been mostly good, and I wouldn't trade experiences like playing TF2 with Slack and Dust for 10 hours straight, snarking at shitty art on dA's front page, or any of our Risk of Rain sessions for anything; but right now I'm not sure if any of the supposed friendships I've made on here are real or just fully imagined.

I'm also wondering how many people here actually did consider me a friend or at least an acquaintance, but had that ruined by my self-hating, spamming idiocy.

I know I've alienated one person here by trying to hit on her for like a month, and then when it finally got through my thick skull that I had no chance in hell (for numerous reasons), and I tried just to be a friend, I ended up being clingy and spastic.

Anyway I'm rambling because there are a hundred things I want to say, but I can't figure how to get them out, so I guess I'll probably see some of you again at some point.

Edit: Also I've uninstalled Discord.

[soup]

dude just ignore it people suck

[Philip K Dick]

its ok we've all been there

[crackers]

gets called a big whiny fag

makes a paragraph being a big whiny fag

idk some jokes write themselves

[d-floe]

Dude literally everyone shit talks each other. There isnt a single active member that doesnt get royally shit on behind their backs. If you take things personally then youll without a doubt be offended by any means.
I was gonna say "welcome to the internet" but I'm sure you've been here long enough to know how it goes. Leaving TBA isnt gonna stop negativity, unless you maintain perfect anonymous neutrality across all boards, someone's gonna trash-talk you by any means.
I constantly get shit from other people but that shouldnt mean I should leave. Showing this feeble weakness to others is only gonna reinforce the fact that youre such a "pushover". If you wanna learn to deal with people you gotta literally deal with people. Simply avoiding a situation just because some parts of it makes you uncomfortable means that's all you'll do all your life.
You can also, like, attempt self-improvement. Obviously these people said something because you made that impression on them in some way. Nobody hates people for absolutely zero reason. Take Bonelord for an example. He's been on the discord forever but he's never made any sort of impression other than being a swell person the very few times that he's spoken. Nobody hates him, nobody has any reason to.
If you want to deal with a situation by escaping the situation I'll by no means try to stop you, Im just saying its not in your best interest to do so.

[bd648]

I really dont have things to say here except i think you are cool and you should come back here whenever you are ready.

[rtil]

you're always welcome back in my book, hope to still see you on the streams

in my experience it's always best to try and talk to the people who do this kind of stuff in private if it really bothered you, it usually works out better that way. even if you feel they're the ones who wronged you

[SrsSam77]

There isnt a single active member that doesnt get royally shit on behind their backs.

[soup]

There isnt a single active member that doesnt get royally shit on behind their backs.

the plot thickens ...

[rtil]

There isnt a single active member that doesnt get royally shit on behind their backs.

the plot thickens ...

that's kind of the reality of life in general. humans have a long and rich history of gossiping

[cipher]

you always seemed alright, but what does my opinion matter, been pretty much a ghost as of late

[Bamyasi]

This isn't the first time I've found out that people I considered to be my friends didn't actually care about me (though I can't fathom why. There are more entertaining "massive whiny fags" around), but it's as hurtful as ever.

Just because people vent about you behind your back doesn't mean they don't care about you. I guarantee 95% of us were either indifferent to your catharsis or happy to have you confide in us, and those that weren't felt that way for very specific reasons (perhaps your dismissal of their advice/sympathy, or some tangentially related personal problem). That said, we're all pretty much just ASCII characters on CRT/LCD/LED monitors. There's only so much you can do for someone you don't share meatspace with.

That said I'm sorry to hear you're leaving and hope you come back. I do consider us friends. Whatever problems you have with me or any other members here I hope can be resolved should you choose to return. I know from many firsthand experiences that taking a break from internet communities can be very rewarding in the long run. If anything I said at any point during your time here was hurtful, I hope you'd approach me about it.

Just remember you're your own individual, beyond what anyone says or thinks of you, especially on your Al Gore information superhighway tubes.

Ganbatte Proto-kun.

[zwimmy]

I know I've alienated one person here by trying to hit on her for like a month, and then when it finally got through my thick skull that I had no chance in hell (for numerous reasons), and I tried just to be a friend, I ended up being clingy and spastic.

You're catastrophizing. But it's okay, I do it too. Let me reassure you that you haven't "alienated" me, and I genuinely enjoyed all those times we were talking about and sharing music together. You're a really cool person despite going through a lot of shit and I hope you can feel better about yourself soon.

[slack]

come back

[Jon]

you are good shit fella

[basketweaver]

Hey Proto. I think you're a good guy and you should come back. I try to be friendly with you a lot but not sure if it comes across successfully. People gossip all the time and it's easy to misread past messages when you don't have the context that they do. Besides, no one is a flawless human, we all have our own issues, and sometimes it really hurts when we see friends talking about our big imperfections. The only solution is to take it in stride and to work on self improvement. I know that you're very familiar with how I feel about the concept of "self-improvement" so I won't ramble on and on about it. But you're a good guy and I want to see you back!

[MealGin]

Not sure how much this will do, but I always thought you were a pretty swell fellow. I'd be more than happy to welcome you back should you decide to come back.

[cipher]

well if he was true to his word, not like he's going to see any of these replies anyways




unless he's a liar

[Bamyasi]

I'd be more than happy to welcome you back should you decide to come back.

On what authority.

P.S. Proto everyone welcomes you back.

[MealGin]

I'd be more than happy to welcome you back should you decide to come back.

On what authority.

Not sure I need some sort of ground to welcome someone back except for acknowledging that their presence was missed.

Unless I misread you.