Unless' poetry and lyric thread.

[crackers]

I think you're unbearably pretentious 99% of the time but there are hints of decency amidst the mud. 

Are you looking for constructive criticism as to how to improve your poetry? Or are you happy with this as the genuine finished article? If it's the former, I would be happy to offer some advice. Drop me a private message and I'll gladly discuss my thoughts with you there.

[Unless]

That's something that comes across in writing a lot for a number of reasons. In other formats you might just find I'm not such an unbridled bitch.

I have an issue where I often write things with favour given to making an ambiguous reference to something, over actually being articulated well. I do that a lot generally. In song-writing I don't alter it a whole lot when I catch myself, because I like the idea of people being able to interpret many different things from lyrics and find their own personal stake.

This piece was just one night's work that left me feeling satisfied that night. Not really anything that made me proud and I don't really care to expand it. If you have some wicked-awesome tips and tricks that you think would be more generally helpful (for me) though, I'd be happy to read it and weep, thanks.

[Bamyasi]

Unless is cool.

maybe im in the wrong degree..........

English or poetry?

[crackers]

eng lit unemployment studies 101

[300BillionDegrees]

Hey - a degree in English lit, much like Latin or anything that ends in 'studies' can totally be used to get a job teaching that thing to unsuspecting future generations of students.

[Bamyasi]

Can confirm both my parents were English majors and they are both unemployed.

[Binary_2]

Can confirm both my parents were English majors and they are both unemployed.

Possibly my favorite thing to hear (except it sucks people are unemployed)

[Bamyasi]

Just learned today my mom got hired as an editor for a literary journal.

Suck it STEMfags.

[Binary_2]

Yeah suck it me

[Bamyasi]

Don't forget to work the shaft.

[Unless]

It takes one to know one swift fell swoop
like a bat out of hell and certainly the belfry.
If you've something to prove to the birds and the bees,
I won't bat an eye at your rhinoplasty.

I'll take two hoots, 'cause I sure won't give them.
Find somebody else to get up and go;
I cry like I fly like a carrion crow
and I've two left feet and no time to tango.

It takes three strikes 'til it's not just company
any more — it's a crowd and my agoraphobia
is making this worse, so I might disperse.

If you don't quite care, let's put two and two together;
playing pretend we're birds of a feather.
I could commend, but that's such a no-no;
you're more like a doornail to me, less like a dodo.

And if you don't much mind, I might just take five.
I'm chicken-livered, but at least alive
though I feel like a dead duck, dusted and done.
I won't be there, I'll stay fair and square,
right back at square one.

Now can you see how this is cyclic?
Makes me feel one sandwich short of a picnic,
up the wall, and driving me sick.
Apologies, I don't mean to nitpick,
and I know I've a number of bees in my bonnet,
but I've zero interest in your haiku and sonnets.

So here's one for the road,
turn by the way the devil drives you home,
and
one good turn deserves
another.

[Unless]

[spoiler]

I would be happy to offer some advice. Drop me a private message and I'll gladly discuss my thoughts with you there.

This piece was just one night's work that left me feeling satisfied that night. Not really anything that made me proud and I don't really care to expand it. If you have some wicked-awesome tips and tricks that you think would be more generally helpful (for me) though, I'd be happy to read it and weep, thanks.

I may have been remembering it worse than it was, but this is one of a couple of posts I at least regret the wording for, in that I think it came across as completely unappreciative of an offer for help with my work despite admittedly not liking me most of the time. I'm sorry.
[/spoiler]

I think this is the first time in a while I've felt like writing something that's less about wordplay and more about evoking feelings, because... well, it should probably be obvious if you read it. We don't have personal blogs here or anything and it's not exactly something I felt comfortable bringing up and still isn't.

Precious beautiful boy, stupid little fool boy, sakes alive, what am I to do?
You didn't realise you belonged, and I guess I waited too long to tell you all the things I never knew I had to.
A wicked world of damned doubts, a sudden single strikeout, can't believe I'm still here and yet you're gone.
Now I guess I'll try to stick it out, but everything is so wrong and life has no business just going on.

I have never felt more sorry; but if you'll forgive me, I'll avow:
if you thought life was bad before, then you should see it now.

And I have never felt more heartbreak; it reaps despite my best
efforts to rip the god-damned thing the fuck out of my chest
and I would tear apart my eyelids if I thought it could help me see
how these diamond eyes bring some folks high, but they just don't fly for me.

I try to consult my conscience but it speaks to me in tongues,
so I'll settle for poisoning my liver and blackening my lungs.



There's a wound in my world but I'm sadder for you for you'll never know happiness, forever uncompleted.

You wanted happiness for us, but he's gone forever and I'm sorry mommy, for I am defeated.

[Bamyasi]

less about wordplay and more about evoking feelings, because...

That's what good writing tends to be you know.

Can't say much about the poem because I know jack about critiquing poetry and even less about free verse.

I will say your language is has definitely improved from page one. Gets the point across far, far better. I'd say work on your metre but this reads a lot like song lyrics so maybe that's what you were going for.

But yeah definitely keep trying to write about things instead of about words. That's a good rule for anyone I think.

[Unless]

I usually find that much less fun both to read and write.

[Bamyasi]

Post something that's only or mostly good for its wordplay then I'm quite curious.

[Bamyasi]

Well you tried.

[Unless]

Story of my life.

Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.

[SrsSam77]

How did in the world did I miss this thread and the opportunity to shitpost in it

[Bamyasi]

Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.

I meant post something by someone else that fills that criterion.

The one you mentioned isn't completely incomprehensible but also doesn't point to anything. Wordplay is a lot like masturbation, you may find it touching, but if your poetry doesn't facilitate intercourse you should beat it.

[Unless]

Edit - Normally I get a bit more than 35 minutes though. I guess just look at the 'Numeromancy' thing above though. I'm not really up for writing anything new like that right now.

I meant post something by someone else that fills that criterion.

The one you mentioned isn't completely incomprehensible but also doesn't point to anything. Wordplay is a lot like masturbation, you may find it touching, but if your poetry doesn't facilitate intercourse you should beat it.

I don't know. The only thing I can think of right now is Owl City, they're usually pretty known for filling their lyrics with silly wordplay. But that's probably a bad example because I don't even like Owl City very much. Can't really think straight right now.
In any case I'd generally rather have something that a select few people would enjoy a lot than something that everybody can appreciate just a bit.

How did in the world did I miss this thread and the opportunity to shitpost in it

It had a less obvious name before I changed it again with the latest entry. If the idea of being a minor bother to me makes you giddy, then knock yourself out.