the mainstream exploits of tingo

[Philip K Dick]

The Mainstream Exploits of Tingo!
by Armon Pakdel
part 1: tingo gets pulled over!!!

Tingo was driving to work one day when a police officer pulled him over for speeding!
"Tingo!" belched Tingo. "Tingo doesn't like getting pulled over!"
The officer was knocking on the window of Tingo's hybrid. Tingo groaned. He gripped on tightly to the pair of scissors he held under his seat!
"License and registration please," said the cop, an athletic young man with blonde hair and sunglasses. His arm was resting on top of Tingo's hybrid. Tingo didn't like that! Tingo didn't want cop flakes getting all over his hybrid!
"OK, Tingo can do that," said Tingo with a cheeky grin. The cop munched on his bubblegum while Tingo extracted his driver's license and registration.
"You do know that you were going 55 miles in a school zone?" the cop asked. Tingo grinned again, nodding. Then while the cop examined his information, Tingo glanced up and down the street. Nobody was coming or going. Yay! Tingo whipped out the scissors and slammed open the door. The cop flailed as he was struck and tumbled to the ground like a helpless ragdoll. Tingo hopped out the open door, pouncing atop the recoiling officer. He used his scissors to make big red spots in the cop's face! Ouch! Tingo cut out the silly copper's tongue and jabbed out both his eyes! Owie zowie!
Tingo heard a car coming down the street so he got back in his hybrid and zoomed off. Vroooom!

[Philip K Dick]

assassin's creed

[sev]

did somebody say "assassin's creed"?

[rtil]

"Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind"

[Philip K Dick]

did somebody say "assassin's creed"?

yes, and to top it off: assassin's creed 2

[rtil]

i see your assassin's creed 2 and raise you a bubsy 2

[Philip K Dick]

i see your assassin's creed 2 and raise you a bubsy 2

i smell a crossover! its perfect because both franchises have horrible control schemes!

[Philip K Dick]

when i was 7 years old i played bubsy: claws encounters of the furred kind for sega genesis and immediately became suicidally depressed

[Philip K Dick]

although that may have been

[ZennyPLUS]

i see your assassin's creed 2 and raise you a bubsy 2

i smell a crossover! its perfect because both franchises have horrible control schemes!

[Philip K Dick]

The Mainstream Exploits of Tingo!
by Armon Pakdel
Part 2: Tingo becomes a national hero

Tingo got to work right in time! He took the elevator all the way up to the penthouse of the world trade center. He put on his apron and went back into the kitchen. His coworker Richard was busy firing up the grills and seasoning steaks.
"I'll tell ya," said Richard. "I logged onto Windows 2000 today. I'm sure glad that whole Y2K thing turned out to be a hoax!"
Tingo gave Richard a polite smile. Tingo hated Richard! He smelled bad and he was bald!
"It sure is cold this morning." continued Richard. "Hey, is that an airplane?"
Tingo looked out the glass pane window. There was an airplane flying right at them!
"Tingo doesn't know if that airplane should be as close as it is!" tingo'd Tingo.
"Come on," said Richard, smirking. "It's not like a bunch of terrorists could just commandeer an airplane. And even if they could, why in the world would they want to crash it into the world trade center?"
The plane was getting really close! Tingo started to worry that maybe Richard's doubts could be true! Just to be sure, Tingo ran to the very back of the kitchen. He entered the storage closet where with haste he dragged out the working cannon the company had bought in the 90s. Because that kind of bullshit happened in the 90s. Seriously. What, you don't believe me? Ask anyone from the 90s. Everyone had a novelty cannon in the storage room of their restaraunt in the 90s, dude.
So anyway, Tingo brought the cannon back out into the restaraunt.
"Get in, Richard." said Tingo.
"What? No! Are you crazy?"
"It's you or the 3000 other people in this building!" Tingo screamed. It was a bloodcurdling scream, like the ones Tingo's daughter used to make before she was sold into sex slavery.
Tingo knew he didn't have time to argue with Richard so he whipped out his scissors, fresh with the blood of a dirty pig cop and lunged at the baldman. He caught Richard in the throat. Tingo repeatedly tore at Richard's neck while Richard got violenced to death. Tingo managed to sever Richard's head from his body. Then as the airplane was drawing rapidly closer, Tingo shoved the severed head into the mount of the cannon. With a lighter he lit the fuse, and a second later Richard's head catapulted out of the barrel. It smashed through the window and whizzed through the air. Finally it collided with the plane and it turned into a million adorable flying kittens! Yay! Tingo stopped 9/11!
"Congrats dude," said the mayor. "I now present the award for best and most awesome guy ever. And the award goes to Tingo! For stopping 9/11!"
"Thanks," said Tingo.

[rtil]

that ending was more satisfying than beating bubsy 3d

[Philip K Dick]

thank you for that very insulting compliment tenchi