Casey Pixmintro's Traveling Sideshow

[Casey Pixmintro]

Yeah, I was planning on using it sparingly, I also had another episode concept where Jim is dating Lolita for drugs and Rebecca is dating Norm purely for financial support.

You've got a good point though, it'd probably be more interesting to see the Derek/Jim plot as a background piece, instead of being played straight. I think what's dragging it down right now is that I haven't really fallen into a good groove for writing Derek and Jim yet. For some reason Rebecca and Lolita seem to be naturally easy to write for.

[Sinitron]

your lines are nice and stuff but i really don't like looking at these characters

maybe because they remind me of the assholes i have to deal with irl

[Casey Pixmintro]

i know what you mean, most of these characters are composites of shit i hated about past coworkers heh

[CVG]

It's a pretty funny cartoon script although it definitely seems long...I'm imagining this is like a 20 min cartoon? Otherwise it seems like all the stuff going on in this is going to be very very fast animation and VA reading that speeds by. Overall I didn't get the Jim/Derek parts at all...The whole page with Vietnam went right over my head and it was the only part of the script I starting zoning out of and scrolling down to skip. Also their personal dynamics/reactions seemed tacked on and no real character development went on like it did in the Lolita/Rebecca parts. Basically we saw "hurt feelings and compassion" grow in their scenes so I was more interested in them as characters. In contrast the bulk of Derek/Jim and their humor was drinking and slacking which just kind of made me shrug like "ehh okay and nothing important was lost/gained". The only part I liked was the soccer scene because I could imagine it growing into the chaos you wrote...maybe you should opt to make the Derek/Jim parts a 2nd episode in itself so that they get more time to breathe? Idk

Anyways it's a good pilot type of episode where we get an intro of all characters in the briefing part and then a sample of all four people doing these things. But going into the next episodes I'd hope to see more personal episodes where not all the characters have to get some screen time and maybe somewhere where the kids get some screen time or are actually important and not scapegoats to all the slapstick/victims....like the camp could be more significant to it all...it seems like only the backdrop for the main characters so far. But good luck and keep going!! :]

[Casey Pixmintro]

Thanks for the critique CVG, very thoughtful. I think you may have hit the nail on the head at why the Derek/Jim plot doesn't work. Their story doesn't really accomplish much, which is very true. I mainly kept with it cuz I liked the Soccer match portion, which is kind of a shitty excuse. I agree about the lack of character development involving their part, I've been trying to think of a response, but I realize I'm not really sure what to do with their plot which would give it more purpose. Their part didn't seem to write itself as easily as Rebecca and Lolita's part. I'd hate to save it for a different episode cuz I do like how it parallels Rebecca and Lolita.

As for the personal episodes thing, that's mainly the plan, I have a few other concepts that do involve all the characters. But I don't want to get into the habit of giving characters screen-time just so they can be there. Since it was the pilot though, I felt I had to give all the cast generally equal screen-time since I didn't want to mislead viewers into believing that Rebecca and Lolita are the main characters and the rest are the supporting cast. However, this specific concept might not have been the best choice for first, considering that.

Also yeah, I didn't really explain too much with the Vietnam part, it's more of a visual thing since it's supposed to be a Flashback but I didn't write any indication of that for some reason. But basically what it is with Burch's character is that he has a lot of those traditional Vietnam stories, except he treats his service as a recruitment officer like fighting in the shit. But yeah, if I have to explain it, shows it might not be workin.

I agree a lot about the Rec Center and the kids only seeming like a backdrop right now. I'm hoping to expand upon the usage of the kids, other than victims to the characters' shittiness. So far, I've only been trying to strengthen the main cast and haven't really thought as deeply about their surroundings or a supporting cast.

Goddamn, I spent like an hour trying to write this response! Hard as shit to be concise on this for some reason, so many possibilities.

Also, it'll probably be about 15 minutes. Seems like 45 seconds a page give or take.

[Casey Pixmintro]

For anybody who's interested, I did another revision on the script. It's a bit tighter and I tried tying the plots together a little more. Also still trying to salvage the Derek/Jim plot. http://www.thebackalleys.com/dump/player.php?f=7101

[dilly]

solid work. the only mistake i found that stuck out was one page 10 during jim's last line where it says "How the hell is you
plopped yourself down on lifeguard bench, yellin' at about running, and waiting for kid to start drowning so you something to do the least fulfilling?"

unless jim is like Cajun or something and i didn't pick that up in his other lines :I

[Casey Pixmintro]

thanks, naw i'm just bad at proofreading

[Casey Pixmintro]

Holy shit I thought I didn't have anything to share with you guys but I haven't posted anything here in 4 fucking months!

Anyways I updated my demo reel:
2011 Demo Reel
I'm probably gonna go back and include the actual dialogue for all the lipsyncs.

Also, there's a looooot of stuff that's happened in the last several months concerning my projects n shit. I began the semester wanting to do my pilot script and my professor was like heh fuck that so I made an animatic for a condensed short involving Burch recording his memoirs and blah blah. A few weeks go by, semester goes sour, I drop all my non-animation courses. My professor is like hell yeah go make the long script and have it be a full-year project, and yeah that was like late October. So it's been about 2 months now and I have 7 minutes keyed out out of what'll be about 10 or 11 minutes. I also revised the script (http://www.thebackalleys.com/dump/player.php?f=8027) a shitton more and removed 80% of the unfunny and boring.

So yeah it was supposed to be an animatic but I'm so anal about timing and character interaction I've just been keying every scene and taking a lot more time than I should.
But here it is so far. There's a few parts fully animated at the start. And yeah chunks of story missing.
[spoiler]http://www.thebackalleys.com/dump/files/1059/512j9P_SR-%20Seq.%20All%2012-27.swf[/spoiler]
So yeah, hopefully this'll be done around late April. Then I'll be submitting it to Ottawa and a bunch of other places. I just started submitting Cheromanchequois to places just a couple weeks ago for some reason.

[rtil]

the animation is looking good, really smooth and clean. i'd like to see what you do with the angry girl hehe

[dilly]

very excited to see this project!

also, did you still need kid voices? i am willing to help

[Sinitron]

yeah it's mostly good

[Hnilmik]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITEEEDDDDD~~

[Casey Pixmintro]

Sweet thanks Dilly, if I have any parts I can use you for I'll let you know

[Sinitron]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITEEEDDDDD~~

-pant pant- *rubs pants*

[Sapphire]

Dat fluidity.

Looking good so far!

[Casey Pixmintro]

Made a gerf

[Sinitron]

its not bad i just really hate the neck

[sev]

i think it's pretty boring but the animation is smoother and higher quality than the majority of flashes i've seen made by one person

[logen]

I have to agree with sev, even tho the animation thus far looks promising, the script needs revising, it's not interesting enough and feels awfully dry